Lesson Learned: Taking Him For Granted

My very first lesson learned :D Refer from my post here. Pas lagi baca-baca diary, terus ketemu halaman ini. Udah dari February lalu haha. Gambarnya mesti di klik biar bisa baca jelas, maklum tulisan saya super mini. 

What's written there yah basically gw say sorry to God kalo selama ini baik secara sadar atau tidak sadar saya take Ko Y for granted. Apa yang dimaksud dengan taking him for granted? Jadi yah, kalo gw lagi bete bad mood spanning tinggi tingkat dewa dewi. Biasanya yang selalu kena itu Ko Y. Dia bisa gw sensiin, gw jutekin, gw galakin or even parahnya gw diemin.

Praise God gw udah jadi lebih sadar, kalo gw sering menjadikan Ko Y pelampiasan gw selama ini. Ini gw capture dan simpen karena disana dia bilang, kenapa aku kena lagi, aku apes banget. Ini suatu tamparan banget buat gw!! Sama yang dia bilang, aku bisa di betein, aku harus siap-siap. Uhhh gw langsung kaya ketiban batu!! Aslinya ini tuh gw bete karena gw stress cari frame gitu, uda lama si casenya. Tapi masi tetep gw simpen soalnya reminder banget! Kata-kata dia walo ditulis dengan baik tanpa ada kesan marah or menyindir, bener-bener nyadarin gw betapa jahat dan kezamnya gw LOL.

Kenapa harus Ko Y? Karena gw tau he is the one that very understanding that patience enough when it comes to handle nagging me. He is the one who always faithful enough to listen all my grumbles and complains. And he really know how to chill me down, which is.. to fully lend an ears that truly listened and concern.

Cewe yah, sensitif banget kan. Kalo lagi bad mood, ada satu or dua hal aja yang gak berjalan dengan semestinya, bisa langsung bikin gw bete abis. Apalagi kalo PMS!! I used to be believe kalo benernya PMS doesnt exists, why? Coz happiness is a choice. We have the ability to choose to be happy, despite how painful the PMS is. Tapi gimana donk, kadang beneran deh PMS tuh bikin sensi jadi naik tingkat dewa haha. Semua cewe yang setuju angkat tangan! And I can hear all the boys shout, woman is truly complicated. HAHA.

Terus kemaren itu setelah saya jutekin dia (untuk kesekian kalinya) gw minta maap. Ko maap ya aku tadi bete gak jelas. Terus dia nanya, aku salah apa? Gw jawab, gak sih aku yang salah kamu gak salah apa-apa. Dia nanya lagi, kamu lagi dapet ya? Gw jawab kagak sih, baru aja selesai. Terus dia bilang, lain kali kasih tau kalo lagi dapet jadi aku bisa siap-siap.

Toenkkkk pas denger dia jawab gitu, gw jadi gak enak ati bangetttt -.- Terus gw bener-bener langsung say sorry lagi and promise in the future bakal try my best tuk manage my emotions and my action as well. Dan minta maaf sedalam-dalamnya. Lucky me, I got the very understanding guy.. He replied, ya gpp koko seneng kalo kamu ada belajar sesuatu lagi.

Well, disini gw belajar kalo cewe itu harus punya:
1. A gentle spirit
Roh yang lemah lembut. Jadi cewe yang punya hati buat selalu belajar, mau diajar, mau ditegur, no grumble and no complain.
Kadang kita cewe selalu mau jadi nomor satu. Bukan cuma always to be number one, tapiii we also want to be right. Agree with me? Lets be honest :D
Kemaren itu pastor yang kotbah bilang gini, in marriage life, there's alot of things that cant meet the meeting point. Disaat itulah spirit of submission dan kerelaan melepaskan hak sangat dibutuhkan. To let your husband be the leader, tugas kita menunduk.

2. A quiet spirit
Roh yang tentram membangun atmosphere of comfort. Gw notice, pas gw review balik si Ko Y selalu ada bilang aku siap-siap. Pas yang gw bete di capture itu sekitar bulan February, disana dia bilang aku harus siap-siap. Dan yang gw bete baru-baru ini, dia juga bilang biar aku bisa siap-siap.
Ya ampyunn ani, kalooo sampe married gw masih begini terus sih siapapun suami dan sesabar apapun dia pasti gak bakal mau pulang rumah lah. Kenapa gak mo pulang rumah? Karena secara gak langsung gw buat rumah kaya maen togel. Kalo lagi happy ya disambut baik, kalo lagi bete ya disambut seadanya. Suami mana coba yang mau pulang rumah dengan dagdigdug kek maen togel, keep guessing, hari ini gimana ya keadaannya? Harusnya kan, we as woman its one of our responsibility to make a house become resting zone. There will be plenty of time that our husband face troubles and got pressure. They need support, bukan ditodong wkwk. When he is so exhausted, where he wanna be? It should be HOME.

Ayo ani, gak boleh nagging, gak digampar udah bagus. Kadang gw remind my own self :P Haha. Dan pelan-pelan gw belajar, saya ini bukan pengacara dan Ko Y bukan terdakwa :P Jadi gak sepantasnya gw salah-salahin dia terus hwhw. Gw juga belajar selain gak taking him for granted, gw belajar untuk selalu menaruh Tuhan di tempat pertama di setiap saat di setiap harinya. Ketika gw ga seneng sama ko Y, gw akan minta baik-baik. Tapi kalo gak dikasih juga ya udalah eke minta nangis-menangis sama Tuhan. Instead of pushing or asking Ko Y too far. Dia kan juga manusia gak bisa menuhin semua my expectation.

Aniweii, sesampainya gw di Semarang gw mampir main ke lawang sewu. Mayan angker sih haha. Pas ajak Ko Y ke lawang sewu dia ogah gitu, terus gw uda hampir bete :P Dia bilang, orang semarang aja tuh gak ada yang mau kesana karena gak ada apa-apa, justru orang luar semarang aja yang pengen tau. Dalem ati gw, ya iyalah gw mau tau orang gw jarang ke semarang huh. Tapi instead ngeluarin kata-kata nyolot, I beg him and it works wkwkwk. Yeay, we woman do really has great power over a man. So becareful ladies, use your power wisely.

Suka Duka Memimpin CG (1)

Ternyata susah juga ya untuk komit nulis blog tiap hari. Kadang uda keburu males duluan, kadang juga gak tau mau tulis apa :P Yah, hari ini mau cerita tentang komsel aja deh.

Jadi, jadwal CG dipindahin jadi hari Kamis yang biasanya Jumat. Terus mulai dari tadi pagi, satu anak bbm bilang gak bisa dateng karena ada urgent matters. Ok. Menjelang siang ada lagi yang bbm bilang gak bisa, dan sisa anak-anak lainnya pada gak ada kabar. Di sms gak dibales, di bbm gak dibales. Fiuh.. Keki tingkat dewa!

Jadi sekitar jam 5an, saya uda bbm ko Yesa untuk ijin gak CG soalnya yang bisa cuma satu orang dan dia pun cowo. Kalo mau pertemuan ya ok, tapi kalo gak juga gapapa. Soalnya emank gak disarankan cuma CG berduaan dengan lawan jenis. Ditambah saya juga males, karena besok mesti flight pagi.

Terus saya super down. Ini anak-anak di smsin berkali-kali, di telp juga gak diangkat. Kenapa tumben bener bisa banyak banget yang berhalangan dan gak bisa CG. Total CG saya kira-kira bisa 10orangan lah kalo lengkap hadir semua. Terus masa 8orang gak bisa serentak. Haiah, ada apa dengan CG ini. Apa saya kurang doanya, apa saya tidak menjadi contoh yang baik, apa yang buat anak-anak jadi gak excited CG, etc etc.

Menurut gw, pelayanan yang paling melelahkan adalah pelayanan pengembalaan. Mesti follow up, mesti bagi hidup, mesti tau gimana pergumulan mereka etc. Gak gampang dan takes so much of energy, time and effort. Ketika temen gw tanya, gimana rasanya jadi pemimpin CG? Gw jawab, duh cape ati kadang. HAHA. Well, bukan karena anak-anak gw badung yah, tapi karena lebih ke beban moral yang ditanggung. Sebagai pemimpin, kamu dilihat, dicontoh, dan dipertimbangkan dalam hal sekecil apapun. Dan temen gw ini balesin, ya bagus donk kalo gak cape ati berarti belon sepenuh hati. 

Dari jawaban dia, gw langsung DEG. Iya juga yah, well walopun cape and keki tapi ya at least gw udah give my best dan trying my best. Sisanya di tangan Tuhan. Dalam mimpin CG ini, seringkali gw diingetin kalo sebenernya mereka tuh cuma titipan dari Tuhan, they are not mine and will never be mine. Jadi boleh stress, tapi gak boleh sampe depresi or stress banget. Karena pada dasarnya, keselamatan bersifat pribadi.

No doubt many times I feel like giving up. Bener-bener mau murtad haha, berasa gak mampu, dan masi mau enjoy life (yang dibaca: mau lari dari tanggung jawab). Gw mimpin CG itu dari gw umur 18taon. Pas gw masi di Singapore. Ketika ditunjuk dan dipilih, there's no room for saying no. Leader gw tau, gw tipe orang yang perlu dicemplungin dulu baru bisa berenang dengan sendirinya. And you guess what is my first reaction? I cried! Muahaha. Stress la bok, gw dulu tugas kul aja bisa ampe ga tidur ini mesti urusin CG lagi. Terus gw orang Jakarta di tengah Medanlang, bukan gw rasis ye. Tapi bahasa mereka kan hokian. Terus juga im the youngest, semua uda much older 21something.

Lalu for good dari Singapore ke Indo, saya pikir bisa leha-leha ni bebas ahaha mo nyantai dulu. Eh tau-tau dalem 3 bulan di GMS di promote jadi leader lagi. Terus gw mati-matian nolak donk ya.. Tapi si Ko Yesa setiap kali ketemu gw selalu bilangnya, jangan kaya yunus kamu nie ntar dimakan paus loh. Dan kata-kata itu jadi rhema buat gw. Terus gw gak berani lari deh wkwkwk.

Jadi leader bukan berarti saya lebih baik dari yang lain etc etc, tapi ntah mengapa seberapa capenya dan kekinya saya mimpin CG tetep aja my CG member took almost 60percent of my thoughts. Bener-bener belajar banyak hal dan gimana lay down semuanya sama Tuhan.

Dan tadii tiba-tiba jam 6.30 pada balesin sms and bbm gw bilang bisa dateng. Yeyeayeayy haha. Jadilah kita komsel berenam dan main uno sampe ketawa ngakak mules. And one more thing I learn today, everything is not gonna be easy but its gonna be worth it. So never give up on people like God never give up on you :)

Blessed night. And tomorrow is my birthday!! UHUY! And Im gonna spend it at Semarang :) Ko Y's hometown. Ihiy, super excited!! Benernya gak purposely ke sono karena bday sih, niat amat yak. Ini karena Ci Lenna married, and she hire me as MUA for her bridesmaid. Terus tanggal 7 meridnya dan di Semarang pula. Pas banget yaa.. I never celebrate my birthday with my friends for the whole day. Waktu di sing juga kekna ga pernah deh, gw di sing kerjanya bikin tugas dan tugas dan tugas. And now, I celebrate my birthday with my loved one at someplace that I never went before. Dan ini Ko Y ambil cuti buat temenin ke Semarang sekalian dia pulang kampung juga. Now you can imagine how excited I am rite. Hihi!!

Weeping Is No Longer Enough

Do you guys know about Miley Cyrus? She's ex-disney star. Before you read my post, you may like to read this link first. And Below is a very interesting article, response to what Miley did. Source from here.

***

Picking up a sub sandwich today, I saw a news report on CNN about Miley Cyrus’ performance at last night’s VMA’s. I was shocked, then sickened, then saddened.

For the rest of the day, I wondered:

What kind of people are we?

What kind of culture have we created?

What do we want our children to be?

No more wondering. Tonight, I weep.

I weep for the little girl who gave us Hannah Montana and became a role model to millions of little girls across America.

I weep for the lostness of a girl who doesn’t see herself stumbling around in the dark.

I weep for the news channels that profit from their all-day coverage of a young woman spiraling out of control.

I weep for the American Idol culture that promises glitter and gold to children, then chews them up and spits them out.

I weep for an entertainment culture that celebrates the breaking of every social taboo and the casting off of every restraint, only then to turn and mock the stars that follow suit.

I weep for a tabloid culture that finds celebrity gossip and embarrassing moments titillating.

I weep for women enslaved by a false view of sexual liberation.

I weep for men (myself included) who have failed to say, “Enough is enough.”

I weep for all the times I’ve looked at women as objects and failed to see them as someone’s sisters and daughters.

I weep for the fathers of Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Madonna, and all the family members of all the other women who feel they have to sexualize themselves to achieve success.

I weep for my five-year-old little girl, who twirls around like a princess and hugs me tight at night, when I think of the world she is growing up in, the world I will send her into.

I weep for the broken, messed-up world we live in.

But then I weep at the power of grace.

There’s Jesus, lifting the head of a woman of the night and sending her away into the light. There’s Jesus in a crowd, healing a woman desperately trying to cover the shame. There’s Jesus at the well, transforming a woman tossed aside by multiple men.

Weeping is no longer enough. Now, I pray.

***
Kalimat terakhir ngena banget buat gw, simple yet very powerful words. Weeping is no longer enough. Now, I pray. Huehehe. Nancep banget buat gw, jadi inget kadang gw suka mengasihani diri sendiri. Menangis sama Tuhan, dan mempertanyakan kenapa begini kenapa begitu. Yes, God can be move with our sincerely hearts that cry for help. For it is written in Psalm 34:18 that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. YET, do we pray about our problem as much as we talked about it? Again, weeping is no longer enough, lets bring it in prayer :)

Let's Welcome Septemer With 30 Day Challenge

Hooop! I can't believe it this is september already :) My favorite month after December of course. Whyy? Because this is my birthday month!

I love it when my closest ones start asking me questions like, what do you want for your birthday present? Where will you treat us? etc etc etc hihi :p And receiving the birthday wishes and present *wink*

Yahh, sebenarnya akhir-akhir ini saya lagi feel so empty and lazy to do anything gitu. Lagi berasa kok hidup gini-gini ajah, rutinitas belaka. There's up and yes there's down in life. Im not in a period of having problem anyway, I just lost my excitement :( Have you ever feel that way?

And I know its soooo not good! And not healthy! And look at this blog, havent updated for quite sometimes *sigh* due to my laziness.

So I dare my self to do a simple challenge for this 30days, until september ends. Dulu ada pendeta yang kotbah di gereja singapore gw dan bilang kalo rutinitas yang dilakukan selama 21 hari secara berturut-turut dan rutin akan menjadi habits kita, he said he knew it based on the research from the psychology side thingy. I think its worth to try :)

Alrite here some challenge that I will do:
-. I will (try) do a posting on this blog everyday, and write things worth riding.
-. Pake lotion 2x sehari, pagi dan malem. Kulit gw super kering dan super males pake lotion urgh!
-. Bikin at least one scrapbook layout each day.
-. Smsin anak-anak CG gw mengenai apa yang gw dapet dari Proverbs. Kan baca amsal satu perikop satu, share yang jadi rhema ke mereka di PAGI hari.
-. Mengurangi porsi cabe ketika makan. Huks.
-. Learn guitar more often.

Wew, kayanya ini aja deh yang pingin dibenahin. Semoga saya bisa, dan saya harus bisa. Saya pasti bisa!

It's Only By Your Grace That I Could Live Today

I'am here because of Your grace 
I'am here because of Your love 
Lord Jesus, I'am so thankful for Your grace abounds to me 

Thank you Jesus, Jesus, Jesus 
Thank you Jesus 
It's only by Your grace, that I could live today 
Forever I will praise Your name

Kemarin, di mobil pas lagi otw ke gereja nebeng Ko Yesa (penilik CG saya) dia nyanyiin lagu ini. Familiar kah dengan lagu ini? Buat gw si kaga, im not music person. Gw pernah denger ini lagu baru 2x. Pertama pas di nikahan temen gw dan gw lagi tugas jadi usher otomatis gw jadi sering denger karena dipake buat gladi resik terus. Dan kedua gw denger itu dari si Ko Yesa sendiri yang nyanyiin pas si Babeh lagi visit CG gw. Ketika dia nyanyi lagu ini, gw jadi flash back ke setahun yang lalu.

Tepat pada hari ini, setahun yang lalu 29 September 2012. Babeh kecelakaan. Dan kecelakaannya bukan kecelakaan biasa, melainkan kecelakaan luar binasa huahuahua :P Yaitu kelindes truk. APA?? Yes! Kelindes truk! Dan bukan cuma sekedar truk. Truk tronton roda 6 bok!

Jadi dia lagi naik motor di daerah daan mogot gitu. Terus pas di lampu merah, kan udah kuning tuh dia berenti deh. Eh tapi ada truk belakangnya yang mungkin ga liat kali ya mo labas lewat aja. Motornya kelindes tar terlempar, tapi gak rusak parah. Nah si Ko Yesa ini kegiles bagian pinggang sono. Horror kan!

Setelah kelindes, hebatnya dia masi bisa bangun dan puji Tuhannya ada supir taxi yang nolongin. Ko Yesa minta supir taxi telpon Ko Y (pacarku :P) untuk dikabarin. Hebat banget gak sih, kalo dipikir-pikir.. si Ko Yesa masi bisa bangun, kasi hapenya and ngomong sebutin nama Ko Y ke supir taxi buat minta tolong. Jadilah Ko Y dateng bareng Ko Denny (temen satu kost) ke rumah sakit dimana Ko Yesa uda dialihkan. Singkat cerita, dokter bilang kalo pendarahan di dalam gitu, ususnya lah. Jadi mesti dibelek dan dijait. Model orang C section kali yah.

Pemulihan-nya cukup lama, terapi, pake tongkat, etc. Apalagi waktu itu Ko Yesa mo merid. Meridnya baru 24 Agustus kemaren ini, jadi kebayang donk lagi hectic siapin merid dan kejadian gini -.- And by the grace of God, ko Yesa sembuh yeay!

Dan setelah dia sembuh, CG pertama yang dia nilik adalah CG saya, yeay haha! Jadi pas lagi CG kan ada sesi sharing gitu, gw suruh anak2 gw share. Nah pas bagian ko Yesa gw longkapin :P Terus si Ko Yesa nanya, loh kok koko gak disuru sharing. Gw bilang, loh mau juga toh? Kan soalnya biasanya penilik cuma nilik dan memberi petuah-petuah di akhir CG haha. Apalagi benernya Ko Yesa tipe yang malu-malu gitu, suka senyum-senyum ga jelas.

Pas sharing itu, dia cerita loh.. Gimana dia uda deket banget sama kematian. Dan bener-bener karena miracle sama God's grace aja dia masih bisa idup. Dimana dia bisa duduk dan jalan lagi tanpa kekurangan satupun dari bagian tubuh, itu bener-bener mujizat! Terus dia nyanyi lagu I am here because of Your grace by Welyar Kauntu.



Ketika dia nyanyi, kita semua langsung hening. Dan bener-bener berasa banget kasih Tuhan yang sungguh melimpah. Ya iyalah bok, gw sampe sekarang masih gak abis pikir. Bisa-bisanya gitu si Babeh masi idup dan gak kekurangan satu apapun. Kalo bukan karena Tuhan, gak tau deh apalagi. Gw type orang yang kritis, gak percayaan gitu. Kalo orang-orang cerita disembuhin ini itu gw gak gampang amazed, cuma kaya.. ohh icic. Gw tau Tuhan itu mampu, tapi ya karena gw ga liat and ngalamin sendiri jadi biasa aja. Beda halnya ketika kejadian Ko Yesa ini, karena deket jadi ya bener-bener ngena banget di gw, kutakut gentar akan Engkau Tuhan. Bener-bener I worship the living God.

Dan pas lagi ngobrol-ngobrol ama Ko Yesa, jadilah timbul conslusion seperti ini.. Kejadian kelindes truk ini ibaratnya seperti batu loncatan aja. Masi banyak pekerjaan Tuhan yang belon selsai, jadi gak mungkin Ko Yesa kenapa-kenapa. Hauahuaha :P Bener banget loh, batu loncatan banget! Jadi belajar banyak hal juga, iman, harapan, mujizat, etc.

Sekarang si Babeh uda sembuh, belon coba olahraga berat sih katanye tapi uda bisa sedeng-sedeng lagi wkwkkw. Kemaren ini abis married, uda bisa joget-joget juga (videonya ada di IG saya :P)

Bikini Has Power

What do you think about bikini girls? Hehe. For me, gw gak pede sih pake nya soalnya saya merasa bikini lebih minim daripada bra and cd :P Kalo liat cewe-cewe yang pake bikini di Indo, kaya Bali gitu yah gw sih biasa aja tapi cenderung ke agak risih. Why? Soalnya Indonesia bukan negara bule gitu uy. Jadi walo di Bali pun, kalo orang Indo yang pake tetep ajah diliatin kan.

Jadi pake bikini itu salah gak sih? What do you think? In my opinion, depends on the place and the occasion juga yah. Kalo lu pake bikini di pegunungan or mall kan swt abis. Me, myself pernah kepikiran untuk swimming with bikini in Maldives during honeymoon :D Muahaha.

And come across this video in Ci Nelly's FB timeline. So interesting! Its no longer right or wrong wearing a bikini, tapii apakah itu berkenan? Apakah itu sempurna?? Bikini has power. What is the power? Watch this video!!



Analyst at the national geographic concluded the bikinis really do inspire men to see women as objects. As something to be used rather than someone to connect with. So it seems that wearing a bikini does give a woman power. The power to shut down a man's ability to see her as a person, but rather as an object. 

Modesty isn’t about hiding our self, its about revealing dignity. We were made beautiful in His images and likeness. How will you use your beauty?

I believe it is a loving act to try and dress in a way that helps a man see a woman as a person rather than an object. Of course men are responsible for their thoughts and actions, no matter what a woman chooses to wear. BUT we can help them when we choose to dress is certainly a worthy consideration :)

As a woman, yes we should be free to wear what we want. YET, do you want to gain attention from others with your body or with your intellect and personality? Choose wisely ladies.

The Secret Of Prayer

Article ini copy paste dari share'an temen di facebooknya. Interesting story menurut gw, so do enjoy and be blessed :)

Ada seseorang pemuda yang giat bekerja siang malam serta taat beribadah. Selepas pulang dari tempat kerja, tak lupa dia selalu menyisihkan sebagian waktu untuk berdoa sama Tuhan. Tetapi doa tak kunjung terkabul. Sebulan dua bulan menunggu masih belum juga terkabul. Tetap dia setia berdoa. Yakin suatu saat Tuhan akan mengabulkan apa yang selama ini diminta. Waktu tak terasa hingga hampir 1 tahun dia berdoa, belum terkabul juga.

Ketika dia melihat rekan sekantornya, orangnya biasa saja, tidak istimewa, ibadahnyapun jarang. Kelakuannya juga sering tidak beres, sering menipu, korupsi serta bohong sana-sini. Tapi anehnya, apa yang dia doakan, semuanya dipenuhi.

Pemuda ini pun heran, dengan rasa penasaran akhirnya, dia pun datang ke seorang pemuka agama. Berceritalah dia mengenai permasalahan yang sedang dihadapi. Serta doanya yang sulit terkabul padahal dia taat dan setia, sedangkan temannya yang biasa-biasa saja, malah dapat apa yang diinginkan.

Tersenyumlah pemuka agama ini, lalu dia bertanya kepada si pemuda ini: "Bila anda sedang duduk di warung, kemudian datang pengamen, tampilannya urakan, memainkan musik diiringi dengan alat seadanya,suara fals, bagaimana?" 

Pemuda tadi segera menjawab, "Ooo, kalau itu sih saya buru-buru kasih uang, tak tahan saya melihat dan dengerin dia lama-lama disitu, suaranya, berisik." 

Tokoh Agama, bertanya lagi, "Bila pengamennya rapi, main musiknya enak, suaranya merdu, membawakan lagu kesukaan anda, bagaimana?". 

Pemuda ini pun menjawab, "Wah kalo itu saya dengerin. Saya biarkan dia bernyanyi sampai habis. Berapa lama pun tak menjadi masalah. Bila perlu saya suruh nyanyi lagi. Nyanyi sampai sealbum pun saya rela mendengarkan. Kalau pengamen urakan tadi saya kasih 5rb, yang ini 100rb pun saya rela."

Pemuka agama tersenyum. Begitulah nak, Tuhan ketika melihat engkau yang taat dan setia datang menghadapNya, Tuhan mendengar doamu yang tulus. Dan Tuhan ingin sering bertemu kamu dalam waktu yang lama. Buat Tuhan memberikan apa yang kamu mau itu semudah membalikkan telapak tangan. Tapi Dia ingin menahan kamu lebih lama, biar lebih intim denganNya. Coba bayangkan, bila doamu cepat dikabulkan apa kamu bakal sedekat ini?

Dan di penghujung nanti, apa yg kamu dapatkan jauh lebih besar dan indah dari apa yang kamu bayangkan. Tetapi ingat, semua itu sesuai dengan jadwal-Nya. Percayalah dan Sabarlah semua akan indah pada waktunya.

Not Just A Sticker

Yeeehhaaa, udah lama banget gak update blog :D I miss it and actually there are lots of things to tell ya :)

Let's start with my new sticker for my baby car. Sticker ini tulisannya Army of God get ready to fight for holiness and righteousness. Army of God itu sendiri adalah nama ibadah youth di gereja mawar sharon. Pas awal-awal masuk GMS liatin mobil temen-temen gereja banyak yang pake ini, wuihh keren juga. Design'nya juga oke.

Benernya gw beli'nya udah lama, mau pasang tapi gak pede terus soalnya takut miring dan ternyata beneran miring SIGH. Ini dikarenakan my cutest dog, enzo keep licking my feet pas gw masang. Enzo tuh hobi jilatin daerah-daerah aneh. Seperti belakang lutut, belakang siku, jempol kaki wkwkw. Jadi pas gw masang, enzo licked terus. Gw uda teriak-teriak, enzo stop it stop ittttt malah tetep keterusan. Udah gitu ambil bangku pendek buat masang, gara-gara dijilat lagi jadilah nemplok duluan tuh sticker sebelon selsai ngira-ngira HIKS.

Can you see how slanted it is?

Pas udah masang ni sticker di mobil, ada perbedaan yang berasa banget. Apa coba?! Bukan karena ganggu pemandangan belakang, nope. Trust me I still can see clearly, it doesnt bother me at all! Perbedaan pertama yang berasa banget adalah, saya gak bisa sembarangan nyelak-nyelak or motong jalan orang. HUFFFT!

Well, I do not want to be naive here. Needless to say, if you drive in Jakarta you will know what I'm feeling and even the five-year-old-kiddo know how terrible the traffic here is. So I wont explain much about it!

I need to admit that I'm not always be a good driver, tapi so far gw gak pernah melanggar lalu lintas seperti nerobos lampu merah, naek jalur busway, lewat bahu jalan, or masuk forbidden area. BUT Im good at selak-selak jalur orang hehe. Saya jago nyelip :D Apalagi kalo I'm so familiar with the route. It tooks 45mins for my little brother to drive me from home to Central Park. But it only took me 25mins, with the same traffic. Why? Karena saya tau, begitu masuk di tol harus ambil jalur mana. Ntar setelah berapa km harus ambil jalur mana. Sebelom lampu merah jalur mana lagi. Gw hapal luar kepala bok karena I used to it. Practice makes perfect though.

Rasanya susah bangettt buat gak nyelak or motong. Apalagi kalo in a hurry. Mungkin some of you think kalo nyelak-nyelak itu hal biasa. Well, emank somehow biasa aja sih di Indo ini apalagi Jakarta, tapi tetep ajah kalo gw yang diselak gw suka KESEL BENER. Apalagi sekarang di belakang uda ada sticker dengan tulisan GOD gede banget, ntar mobil belakang bisa bilang -- ini orang Kristen kok kelakuan minus. Toenk2. Batu sandungan deh.

Dan yang kedua tersusah adalah, tidak main klakson. Gw bete banget kalo ada orang nyebrang gak kira-kira dikate jalan punya engkongnya! Or motor yang motong jalan orang seenak jidatnya. Actually, I didn't realize gw main klakson segitu hebring'nya sampe temen baik gw si Sara bilang.. "Stop ani stop kuping gw pengeng." or Rere said.. "Udah gapapa nie kasih dulu aja." or one ultimatum reminder that slap my face, "sabar uy inget sticker lu tuh." Wakakaka you have no idea how powerful that words are. I instantly stop the horn :P

So lesson learned, it not just a sticker. And same things goes when you wore cross accessory or something like that. It not just an accessory. If I can say, it shows our identity to the world.

Saya nyelip-nyelip or motong-motong dengan alasan takut telat pelayanan sampe gereja. Padahal saya sendiri gak suka diselip-selip. And I fail to apply the golden rule, do unto others what you want others do unto you.

Saya pake kalung salib tapi kadang saya masih curse orang yang overtaking my way. And curse him/ her really badly sometimes. To be honest, I really need extra grace from God to guide my mouth especially while im driving!!

I said a little prayer to God to bless my country, my city. Yet, I always grumble and complain about how bad the freaking traffic in Jakarta and sometimes I did make a joke with this city too. Oh I know how bad I am.

How many of us doing christianity without being a christian? Christian is not (only) about a religion, is about a lifestyle. Is a way of life. Do not only be a godly man/ woman without showing a godly example. Let's learn to be faithful in small things :)

This Kind Of Man

I am typical a hopeless romantic girl who loves to dream about anything sweet and of course romantic. I grew up with disney princess stories all over my head and I remember each of the story very well. Cinderella is my favorite with her charming prince and blue gown and of course how her life change once she get married, a very significant change. A huge castle with hundred of maids and luxury jewelry. Isn't it so nice? From nothing to everything.

I used to believe that one day the man of my dreams will sweep me off my feet. Of course not a prince charming in white horse, nevertheless a man riding white porsche. Nowadays we don't need a horse anymore right? Do we?

A good looking man with 5C is all I always dream of. The essential of 5C's are cash, car, credit card, condominium and country club membership. A man that I think will be a good and reliable husband.

A very romantic man that will never tired to give me little surprise, a man that will never ignore my request, complains and questions. A man that will always make sure the petrol car is full before I drive my car away. A man with his sweet words. A man that will never bored or sleep in theatre while accompany me to watch drama musical. A man that will waiting patiently for me to act.

And as life goes by, life bought me a lesson and I learn it hardway. I know that I am too naive back then. And I can't deny my self that I am still a dreamer and deep down inside my heart, I still believe in happily ever after.

However, not with the 5C's kind of man or with his sweet words. Yet, with this kind of man who whisper this little prayer.

Money can't buy you happiness and guaranty that you will have a happily ever after relationship. A man who's waiting patiently for God to act is more reliable rather than a man who's only waiting for you. Because he fully know that God timing is the best. There's no perfect man but there's a man who is willing to learn how to be perfect. If he loves God with all his might, you can be sure that he will love you as well :) And you will see other things (material thing) as a bonus. I have been there and done that. I have learnt my lesson well and still learning.

Mobil Bagus, Kelakuan Minus

About a month ago. 
Gw lagi nyetir di daerah macet gitu sih karena deket dengan pertigaan. Ada dua jalur di jalan itu, jalur yang berlawanan arah ya bukan sejajar gitu. Arah yang gw tuju itu super macettt, sedangkan arah yang berlawanan lancar-lancar jaya. Terus tiba-tiba ada mobil jeep gede keren lawan arah karena mau nyalip mobil belakang gw. Tapi karena mobil di belakang gw itu gak ngasih, jadilah si jeep ini menimbulkan kemacetan di arah sebaliknya yang sebelonnya lanca-lancar aja. Liat itu gw geremmm abisss. Langsung lah saya mengeluarkan kata-kata ihh pliss deh mobil bagus tapi kelakuan minus. 

Tapi rasa gerem gw ini masih belom apa-apa dibandingkan kejadian beberapa minggu lalu.. di parkiran central park mall.

About a week ago. 
Gw sama temen gw lagi mau parkir di luaran mall central park yang seharian cuma bayar 5.000 rupiah haha :P Tapi biasanya privilege ini khusus untuk mobil-mobil yang berurusan dengan ruko or gedung tribecca. Karena GMS terletak di tribecca level 1, jadilah plat mobil saya sudah tercatat dan terkenal baik sama satpam'nya :D

Dan karena parkiran ini terkenal murah, pasti banyak lah ya yang mau parkir disini. Kalo parkir di mall kan 4.000/ jam. Berasa banget kan bedanya :S Nah praise God, kosong tuh tempat parkirinya. Dan kosong cuma satu pula, indeed God really care with every little things in my life :) Terus si satpam bilang: tunggu luar ya non, satu-satu masuknya. Jadi tempat parkirnya tuh kira-kira begini:

Yasuda, saya menunggu manis dalam mobil. Terus tiba-tiba ada satpam lain yang suruh mobil gw maju. Gw bilang, saya mau parkir pak. Satpamnya bilang, iya maju dulu soalnya ada bus gede mau belok and gak cukup. Terus gw maju sambil liat lewat spion. Dalem ati, segede apa nih bus sampe gak bisa lewat. Ehhh ternyataa ada mobill CRV dibelakang gw yang stop juga. Ya jelas aja lah gak muat kalo ada dua mobil bejejer berenti. 

Terus gw bilang ke temen gw, ngapain tuh CRV berenti juga? Kenapa gak dia aja yang belok juga jadi gw gak perlu maju. Toh jelas-jelas gw uda kasih sen untuk parkir. Dan karena adanya tuh CRV, gw diposisi mentok gak bisa kemana-mana. Gak bisa parkir. Maju mentok, mundur pun ada dia. Bahkan setelah bus'nya belok nih CRV gak ada niat or tanda-tanda untuk mundur or jalan.

Terus gw bilang ke temen gw, jangan-jangan nih orang mau parkir juga. Ehhh ternyataa, gw belom selsai ngomong pun tuh mobil uda masuk ke tempat parkir mau parkir. GERAM!

Gw uda buka seat belt dan siap-siap mau turun, sampe nih CRV bener-bener ambil tempat parkir gw. Sorry, I am not yaudalah-kasih-dia-aja that kind of girl. Gw uda siapin kata-kata manis tapi menohok. Jelas-jelas saya udah antri duluan dan main asal serobot aja, jelas tau cari parkir gak gampang!! Gw gak bakal maki-maki or marah-marah gimana juga sih, ya malu la ya bow. Udah hair dryer'an, pake heels, pake rok mau gereja tapi kelakuan kaya singa :S 

And God prove me that I shouldn't do that either. He remind me that what He prepared, no one can take it. What He opens, no one can close; and what He closes, no one can open (Rev3:7). Si satpam'nya gak kasih nih CRV untuk parkir, dia bilang kalo ibu ini uda nunggu dari tadi dan uda duluan. Terjadi perdebatan sekitar 2 menitan sampe si satpam juga agak naik suaranya. Tapi akhirnya CRV itu pergi dan saya yang dapet. CIHUYYYY!! Pengen rasanya gw lempar telor, biar my very first list di bucket list terpenuhi wakakaka.

Dan dari kejadian ini membuat saya berdecak lagi dan ngoceh ke temen gw, ampun dehhh mobil bagus tapi kelakuan minus. Iya bok, mobilnya bagus lah secara CRV new gitu! Dan yang nyetir juga mayan ganteng (keliatan pas buka kaca wakakak). Tapi gw langsung ilfil to the max deh. Amid-amid punya pacar yang kelakuannya minus. Dari perkara kecil gini ajah uda keliatan kualitas dan intergrity dia gimana. Pertama nyerobot parkiran orang, kedua dia jelas tau yang nyetir cewe dan dia udah salah terus gak mau ngalah :S

Jadi inget kata Ci Lenna, kemaren pas lagi BBM'an dia bilang:

Cari cowo harus yang bener-bener baik. Bukan cuma ke kamu or keluarga kamu aja baiknya. Tapi ke tukang ojek juga harus baik hehe. 

BeuhhHhh bener banget nih! Males banget gak sih punya pacar yang baiknya manisnya cuma ke kita doank :S Dari tuh cowo debat sama si satpam, sampe si satpam nada tinggi and rada sewot gitu, gw jadi mikir.. Jika kita tidak bisa menggebrak meja di depan seorang jendral, mengapa kita bisa menggebrak meja di depan seorang waiter? Have a humble heart!

Mobil keren tapi kelakuan minus, really teach me a lesson. Let a man's character and integrity be his currency and you will find that a lot of "rich" guys are actually bankrupt! And please bear in mind ladies, do not choose a man because he has the things that money can buy, choose him because he has the things that money can't buy! 

Speaks Of Wisdom And Understanding

Do you know what exactly the meaning of wisdom? The word "wisdom" always interest me. Who doesn't know the story about King Solomon? A super duper wise King. Even the bible mention that there will be no other King as wise as him in 1 King 3:12, I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.

Interesting isn't it! I often ask and pray to God to give me wisdom. I thought I understand enough what wisdom means and what is required to get such a wisdom. We often use words we think we understand, until someone asks us to define them. Aren't we? 

If you ask me to define wisdom, I will think for a seconds and errmmm... my answer will be different times to times. I have done a research, and there's so many different result about the definition of wisdom. 
It might be "the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight." 
Or it might be "a wise outlook, plan, or course of action."
Or it will be "the sum of learning through the ages; knowledge"

And actually none of that answer satisfy me. Yet, this morning my quite time state all clear. 

Job 28:12-28 NLT Version

12“But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? 13No one knows where to find it, for it is not found among the living. 14‘It is not here,’ says the ocean. ‘Nor is it here,’ says the sea. 

15It cannot be bought with gold. It cannot be purchased with silver. 16It’s worth more than all the gold of Ophir, greater than precious onyx or lapis lazuli. 17Wisdom is more valuable than gold and crystal. It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold. 18Coral and jasper are worthless in trying to get it. The price of wisdom is far above rubies. 19Precious peridot from Ethiopia cannot be exchanged for it. It’s worth more than the purest gold. 

20“But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? 21It is hidden from the eyes of all humanity. Even the sharp-eyed birds in the sky cannot discover it. 22Destruction and Death say, ‘We’ve heard only rumors of where wisdom can be found.’ 

23“God alone understands the way to wisdom; He knows where it can be found, 24 for He looks throughout the whole earth and sees everything under the heavens. 25 He decided how hard the winds should blow and how much rain should fall. 26He made the laws for the rain and laid out a path for the lightning. 27Then he saw wisdom and evaluated it. He set it in place and examined it thoroughly. 

28And this is what He says to all humanity: ‘The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding.’”

What is wisdom? How does anyone become wise? Simple answer --> Fear the Lord with all your might, for it is the beginning of wisdom (Prov9:10).

Be blessed and oh how I miss writing! *drools*

Your Prayers Matter Because You Do

Gw subscribe weekday email dari Max Lucado, dan kadang kalo lagi rajin gw bisa sangat fokus bacanya, tapi kadang juga karena uda cape jadi selentingan ajah. Biasanya email'nya masuk ke hape itu malem-malem sekitar jam 6an or jam 7an. Nah email ini sampenya kemaren malem, tapi gak gw baca karena kemaren tepar poll. Terus pas hari ini sampe kantor, cek email.. buka email dari Max Lucado ini dan gw bener-bener tertarik dengan judulnya. Dan pas gw baca terus, bener-bener ada damai sejahtera yang mengalir di hati ;) Super WAH gitu loh, beyond words deh! Especially the last paragraph ;D Jadi, baca dan simak every words baik-baik yah, you will feel God's love overflow within your heart! It blessed me so much and I believe it will bless you too. Enjoy and happy reading!

***

When I was a high schooler, my friends and I spent a Friday night in a part of the county where we did not belong. As far as my parents knew, I was at the local ice creamery enjoying a treat with my friends. Actually, we were twenty miles away from home, in the country, looking for fun on a country road. We didn’t have fun. Instead, we had a flat. The spare tire was flat, too. We had no other option except to call my dad. I rousted him out of bed at the midnight hour.

He drove his truck out into the back roads and found us. We fixed the tire and drove home. When we reached the house he sat me down in the living room and gave me a good talk. He took away my car keys. He took away my privileges. But then, surprisingly, he took away my fear by saying, “Max, I’m upset with you. But I understand the temptations. I remember what it is like to be a teenager.”

Dad, a teen? Shocking thought. But he remembered.

God, a human? Stunning truth. But He remembers. “We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin.” (Hebrews 4:15 MSG) There is never a time that He responds to your prayer with this thought: “I just don’t get it.” He knows how you feel.

And, this is huge, “He knows what you need before you ask Him.” (Matthew 6:8) You don’t have to write your own prescription. God doesn’t need our counsel or advice. “Before they call I will answer, while they are yet speaking I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24)

People sometimes say, “Be careful what you pray for, God will give it to you.”  Hogwash. If you don’t need it, He won’t give it. He loves you too much to give you the wrong answer. Is God no more than a computer, programmed to respond to the data you enter? By no means! He is your Father who says: “I know the thoughts I think towards you…thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you a future and a hope…call upon Me and pray to Me and I will listen to you.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Prayer is only as good as God is. Since He is good, so is prayer. Prayer works because He does. Prayer changes things because God changes things. Prayer makes a difference because God has determined to make a difference. Prayer matters because you matter to God.

Taken from Max Lucado Weekday Email (07/03/2013)

Never Ceasing To Pray

Do you ever feel so let down and seems you can't take heart anymore? When there's no word could express your feeling and when a tight hug couldn't calm your emotion. Do you ever feel like that? Well, that's what I'm feeling currently.

There's a quote saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" or "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." Alrite, that's true somehow. But, how if I'm tired of being strong? I'm not just tired, I'm exhausted. Exhausted to pretend to be strong.

I know I know, that God will never give anything beyond my control. For the bible tells me so. But there's a slightly difference between I know and I believe. I used to believe that 1Cor10:13 is true, but now I kinda doubt it >.< I guess, I'm in crucial condition...

In her email, Ci Erlyn said: Never ceasing to pray!!! When you worry, you pray! When you are sad, you pray! When you are disappointed, you pray! When you are angry, you pray!

Source from here.

And one thing I learn from this situation, I learn the fact that when I don't feel like praying, that's actually the best time to pray. I'm so tremendously weak and I really need God, for I believe those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. That's why I need to pray, and I can't tell you how many times I have been forced to my knees, realizing there was no other place to go. I seek God to find an answer for my trouble heart, and far from it He makes me realize that He is the answer that I need. 

Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and He calms you. -Nicky Gumbel. 

Songs by Avalon, everything to me hummed in my car. And I sobbed when I heard every lyrics of it. And I cried even more when I sang along this song with the last lyrics, You are everything. Lord you are everything to me, Jesus. It's like God asking me, "how far you trust Me? Do you really trust Me? Am I really everything for you? Do you believe that I'm the God of universe?" 

It's like a harsh slap on my face! I certainly forget that God is always in perfect control. Sometimes when the bad situation happens, it makes me forget that the Lord is always good. All the time. The Lord is good all the time. In every situation. The God of the good times is still God in the bad times, and the God of the day, is still God in the night. Trust Him!

And all of my life, the good things that He ever done in my life makes me fully realize that I can stand up to now its only because of prayer. Its because the quality time that I spent to pray. Every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands, and every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in my prayer. And of course because of the prayer support from my loved ones. Its not about me, but who is behind me. I really experience the power of prayer and prayer change things.

I do struggle, I do afraid and worried, yet all I have seen teaches me to trust The Creator for all I have not seen. Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness. 

Faith and fear ask the same thing, to believe for something that hasn't happened yet. - Joel Osteen.

Well choose wisely then, faith or fear. And when I open my old diary, I found what is written on 28 May 2012.. 

"There's no success, no happiness, and no fulfillment in life apart from a consistent, daily growing relationship with Jesus through the word." 

What a great reminder! The key to have success, happiness and fulfillment in life located in consistent prayer time and reading the word of God. 

From the tiny birds of the air and the fragile lilies of the field we learn the same truth. God takes care of His own. He is moved by our weaknesses and He stands ready to come to our rescue. - Charles Swindoll.

Never Ready Faith

Come across this blog post when I did a blog-walking. I love what is written there. It remind me of the-old-me a couple years ago when my leader choose me to be the next leader to lead cell group. You may read her struggle here. And here I copy the excerpt of sermon by Stefen Furtick. Enjoy!!

I have never been ready, Never – Ready Faith
by Steven Furtick 
A lot of people weren’t ready in the Bible – Abraham wasn’t ready when God called him, Moses wasn’t ready, the disciples were never ready and they never got it. Even when they got it they still didn’t get it. Each time they were ready they started to doubt because their faith was in their readiness.

Jeremiah 1:4-10 Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:
5“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” 6Then said I: “Ah, Lord God!Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.” 7But the Lord said to me: “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. 8Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord. 9Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: “Behold, I have put My words in your mouth. 10See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out and to pull down, to destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant.”

• God always look at the hearts, never the appearance.
• There’s the time where God shapes you and calls you for something and then there’s the time where you become aware of it and responsive to it.
• “I am not ready” is just an excuses because you will never been ready.
• He’s got options and you just have to show up! Present yourself to God.. Here I am.

Mark 8:13-21 And He left them, and getting into the boat again, departed to the other side. 14Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, and they did not have more than one loaf with them in the boat. 15Then He charged them, saying, “Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.”16And they reasoned among themselves, saying, “It is because we have no bread.”17But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, “Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? 18Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember? 19When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments did you take up?” They said to Him, “Twelve.” 20“Also, when I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of fragments did you take up?” And they said, “Seven.” 21So He said to them, “How is it you do not understand?”

• The disciples had just seen Jesus multiply the five loaves and 2 fishes, but yet they forgot. You’re never ready, it’s not about your preparation. God is with you.
• There is no need for God to tell us the details, but He cares about every detail.
• God doesn’t need me to be ready – I will never be. He just wants me to obey and follow Him (ask for His supernatural wisdom).
• Insecurities happen because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

1. Cancel the audition! God CHOSE you!

Compared how some people may feel with those auditioning for the TV show “The Voice.” “Cancel the audition, you’ve already got the part. A lot of people spend their whole lives waiting on somebody to hit a button, turn around, and choose them,” he said. “A lot of believers spend their whole walk with God performing, trying out, feeling bad, waiting on God to hit a button and turn around and say now He loves you. God said before you were born ‘I chose you.’” Isn’t that enough?

• He chose you before you were born.
• You don’t need to impress God. You don’t need to try out, you just have to live out what God has already placed in you.
• God gave you the part not because of anything you did; God chose you precisely because you’re awkward a.k.a uniquely awkward.
• God’s got options, but He chose YOU.
• Equip your spirit with the word of God.
• “My Father says I am”
• Live by what God says about you, about what you can do. His is the only opinion that matters.
• When God is speaking, one word is more than enough. Have enough faith in your Father to go with one word.

2. Get ready on the way !

• God doesn't call you to “feel ready” or trying to be as ready as possible, He calls you to have faith and follow Him.
• Trust that God will drive and get ready on the way. Just like husband and wife, sometimes the women will just never been ready until the car engine starts. As His bride, you just have to hop on to the car and get ready on the way. God will drive and you get ready on the way!
• Blessings is God’s department, obedience is yours.
• If you can hear God’s voice, you can stand in the face of your fear 

3. Stay behind the guide!

• Psalm 23 - To have the Lord as my shepherd, I’ve to acknowledge that I’m a sheep
• Psalm 48:14 - For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. He does not want to give you guidance, He wants to be your Guide forever!
• "I'm never going to audition for Your love again. I'm never going to audition for Your calling again. I receive Your love. I receive Your calling." 

  

“I’ve never been ready. I wasn’t ready when we started the church. I didn’t feel ready when the church started to grow, thousands of people were coming to Christ, but the church got bigger than the town I grew up in. I wasn’t ready for that.” said Steven Furtick