What Faith Can Do

Gw mau cerita tentang pergumulan yg lagi gw alamin, sekarang kan gw lagi cari2 kerja nih. Portfolio udah jadi dan kemaren Kamis gw uda mulai sent out my CV and sample art works. Gw cuma sent ke 7 company so far.
Wedding company:
1. Axioo
2. Edward Suhadi
3. Little Collins
Design company:
4. Nuage
5. Bentuk
6. Agung Podomoro
7. Transmahagaya

Kenapa gw apply kerja cuma sedikit? Soalnya ini company dimana gw bener2 mau masuk. Itu nomor yg gw list berurutan tuh sesuai my wish ;p They are big company, I aim high. Pertama-tama gw cuma apply kerja coba di company yg gw bener2 mau masuk dulu, kalo ga dapet ya uda baru gencar kirim kemana aja.

The reason why I want to work there, bukan karena my PRIDE. Wah kerja di company gede enak ya blabla terkenal. Tapi karena He give the passion, the desire that so strong. Nah tau darimana ini desire dari Tuhan? Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 Gw bener-bener bergumul sama Tuhan tentang pekerjaan, dimana Dia mau gw ditempatkan dsb.

I truly know and believe bukan karena gede ato hebatnya suatu company sampe kita bisa say God is good and amazing. He is ALWAYS good! Even in small company, we can say that. The most important is kita menjalani apa yg Tuhan kasih for our mission. We work there for a mission, to spread the gospel :) Wherever kita ditempatkan, dan every little things that happened in our life showed how great and amazing is our God! Dont have to wait ampe sesuatu besar terjadi to realize that!

And praise God! 3 dari company di atas call me for interview.. Axioo, Edward Suhadi, and Nuage. Axioo reply di hari Kamis juga, sedangkan Edward Suhadi dan Nuage ini besoknya hari Jumat. Padahal biasanya kata temen gw kalo big company bisa sampe 2-3minggu baru dipanggil. Axioo bilang kalo dya lagi arrange the schedule, and will let me know soon. Sedangkan yg 2company ini hari selasa gw interview. Pray for me yah :)

Everything sounds so good isnt it? But me! Im lack of give thanks. This evening I cried and cried.. There's really a big burden in my heart. And I prayed to God, I said.. God are You sure I can do this? Why I think I cant? Dan gw mulai takuttt banget, takut kalo ga betah, takut kalo gajinya ga meet my expectation, takut kalo lembur sampe kaya orgil, and the biggest fear as designer.. I scared that I will lost my creativity.. and dont have any fresh idea anymore :(
Karena jujur aja beberapa hari ini gw lagi jenuh banget sama design thingy, its like there's no joy and peace like I used to do. And I start thinking.. Apa gw salah ya ambil jurusan as graphic designer? DANG!!

Dan gw ini really a big fan of axioo. Dan ada satu jobscope di axioo yg gw suka banget, baca disini deh. Tapi sepertinya mereka intrevw gw as graphic designer. Gw mulai sedih dah.. Yah, I miss that chance.. padahal gw suka bgttt sama job scopenya. Dan ketakutan gw yg lain adalah, kata temen gw axioo itu kalo kabarin hasil interview bisa 3mingguan. Terus gw mikir, selasa ini intrvew, kalo keterima dan nanya kapan siap kerja gw akan jawab 14Nov kan pas tuh tengah bulan. Nah sedangkan sampe sekarang axioo belon ada kabar! Gimana kalo andaikata gw keterima di company lain dan harus kasi kabar asap? Haruskah gw terima offer mereka dan give up axioo ato nunggu axioo dengan chance belon tau juga hasilnya keterima or kaga??

I know I know Im thinking too much and so much negativity play around in my mind.
And I lost my faith, hey where's my faith?! Gw sadar bangettt kalo Im holding too tight and my dreams are causing me to be frustrated :(

Terus come acros this video from a friend of mine. See and watch, believe me its worth every second!



Makes me realize, that my faith in me can do nothing but His faith in me can do everything! He is the God who turns IMPOSSIBLE become I'M POSSIBLE. And how many times I have been force to my knees realizing theres no other place to go. Ya iyalah, gw uda bener2 ga tau lagi mo gmn. Gak mungkin kan ngotot2 sama axioo suru interview gw cepet2 dan kabarin cepet2. Ya udalah sekarang pasrah aja, if it is mine than its mine! If not, then He has a better YES for me! I will not give up on my dreams but I will release my worry and frustration.

Proverbs 23:18
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
3 He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I Have A Dream

Kemaren malem gw mimpi.. dan gw mau share mimpi gw in hope to bless you guys :) Gw mimpi 2x.. Sekali gw mimpi sama temen gw si Funi (Hartono sisters) auahua.. mimpi doing konyol2 stuff.. saking kangennya kali yah :(
Dan satu lagi ini nih yg mau gw share..

24September2011:
Jadi ceritanya gw lagi ikut lomba.. lomba gokart gitu deh. I was doing it very well.. First round.. Second round.. And until the final round, gw ga tahan lagi mau ngecek hows the other people doing.. Jadilah gw nengok ke belakang untuk mengecek.. Dan ketika gw nengok ke belakang, tau2 gw uda kalah.. gubraks banget.. Saingan gw itu jadi juara pertama, and guess what? gw juara k4.. Disana gw sedihhh banget, dan gw nyesel kenapa gw harus nengok ke belakang and lost my focus.

Disini Tuhan ingetin gw lagi.. Sangat jelas dari mimpi ini, kalo gw ga boleh selalu liat ke belakang.. Ketika gw bangun, gw bingung kenapa yah dgn mimpi ini? Apa yah yg belon gw let go? Kayanya udah deh.. Terus gw sadar akan satu hal.. kalo gw masi kangen Singapore, masi compare Indo dan Singapore.. Masi ga bisa terima kalo here i am in my own country and God has bigger plan for me in this country.. And my time is up in singapore.

Guys, let each of us forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Remember that all things work for our own good, tough sometimes we don't see how they could. Struggles that break our hearts in two. So when you don't understand. When you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand. Trust His heart because simply His ways are far beyond our ways :)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Kaki Yang Patah

I have a dream..

Yes, aku ini kalo tidur suka banget mimpi. Dari yang jelas sampe super gak jelas ahaha.. I do believe gak semua mimpi ada artinya, dan I do believe sometimes God speak to us through our dreams.

So here's the stories. Dalem mimpi ini ada si mantan pacarku, yang belon tau cerita gw strugglenya pas putus gimana bisa dibaca disini. Sebut saja namanya si A. Nah dimimpi itu, gw sama dia kaya masih in relationship gitu deh. Pergi bareng, ngobrol becanda ketawa-tawa, hang out dsb.

Eh tiba2 out of no where, kaki gw patah dan gw jalannya jadi tersangkut-sangkut susah gitu. Padahal dalam mimpi itu gw gak jatoh, gak keseleo, gak kesandung atau apapun deh cuma tiba2 gw jalan jadi terseok-seok. Every move that I made was very slow, cause you know its kinda hard to walk with only one leg.

And when I woke up, God give me this revelation. God speaks very clearly to me, I have been asking Him why and why I need to broke up with A. Its not easy for me, at that time I really really love him and we spent almost 3years together and we talk about built our future together. Yeah I know, I'm still young but for me when you are in relationship the attention should be getting married no other else. I love him, I love his family. We often dinner together with our parents, we go vacation with my family. He know what I like or I dislike, I feel very comfortable to be with him. His companion means a lot to me. I gave him one of my lovely dog. I have given him my whole heart, my attention, my time, etc. He become my priority.

Yeah you know, when God is not the center of your relationship. The relationship will go nowhere but goes down. Coz you don't know what true love is, love is about giving love is about sacrificing (1cor13:4). You don't understand in order to give your unfailing love to your spouse, first you need to experience His unfailing love. You keep looking security from man, you are insecure, you are looking from man's approval. Not knowing that God loves you so much that you are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14)

Soooooo back to the revelation of my dreams. Tuhan memutuskan hubungan ini. Maybe some of you ask loh kenapa Tuhan yg mutusin? bukannya si A? Iya emang A yg putusin, tapi gw percaya Tuhan turut bekerja dalam itu. He is the perfect God! Loh tapi bukannya Tuhan sangat mengasihi anak2Nya sehingga Dya gak mungkin rencanain yg buruk seperti putus?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Mimpi tentang kaki yang patah, yang jalan terseok-seok, tersangkut-sangkut, dan very slowww. Tuhan jelasin disini.. inilah yang akan terjadi kalau hubungan gw sama si A terus berlanjut. Hubungan gw sama si A gak sehat coz Tuhan udah gak jadi centre nya lagi. Ini digambarin dengan satu kaki yang patah bukan 22nya karena gw emang tetap percaya sama Tuhan tapi udah gak berapi2 kaya awal pacaran. Makin pacaran makin redup apinya, hubungannya jadi tarik2an bukan saling membangun. Sekarang NO NO NO NO deh kapok gw cincai2 sama standard yang gw buat, bener2 harus punya karakter yang kuat dulu deh baru memulai suatu relationship. harus tau kalo kita tuh COMPLETE dalam Tuhan dan pasangan kita hanya COMPLIMENT. kaya Adam, he is ALONE not LONELY. Pacaran bukan karena kesepian tapi karena kesiapan.

Kenapa di dalam mimpi ini Tuhan kasih ilustrasi kaki? Soalnya kaki itu yang melangkah, yang make movement. Berasa banget dengan hilangnya satu kaki kita akan jadi lamaaaaa dan gak seproduktif kalo punya 2kaki yang sehat. Gw ngalamin nih sekarang, kan gw cerita kan kaki gw lagi sakit.. yang belon tau bisa baca disini. Gila susahhh bangettt bokkkkk ngandelin satu kaki HUHU.

Setelah gw putus ini, gw bener2 fokus sama Tuhan Im coming back to the heart of worship! Gw bener2 using my singlehood fully, Tuhan jelasin kalo andaikata gw masi jadian sama si A gw tuh bakal terseok-seok. Terseok-seok means bakal susah/ slow/ gak produktip untuk menjalankan apa yg Tuhan kehendaki, wong gw fokusnya sama si A bukan sama Tuhan. Gw gak akan maksimal dalam memenuhi panggilan Tuhan dalam hidup gw karena hubungan ini ga sehat.

Nah buktinya ketika gw putus sekarang ini, gw bisa menuai banyak banget. Blog ini adalah salah satu hasil dari gw putus. Dimana gw mau share my story in hope to bless others :) Karena dulu gw suka keinget2 dia dan suka kepo stalk FB dia, untuk mengalihkan pikiran2 itu gw komit sma diri gw sendiri untuk baca blog kristen yg membangun, dan untuk komit baca 1buku 1bulan ;p which is kinda shocking news for people around me. Mentor gw sering banget suruh gw baca buku, temen gw juga rekomendasiin ini itu tapi gw males bangettt baca buku kristen gw suka baca novel dan cerita. Tapi untuk guide my heart and my mind, gw bener2 mau baca daripada gw stalk fb ga jelas waste my time man! Now, im so in love with Elizabeth George, Leslie Ludy, Joshua Harris, Jackie Kendal, Elizabeth Elliot, etc. Terus juga gw bisa spent time lebih banyak time sama anak2 oikos gw. Udah gak selalu mo pulang rumah cepet2 untuk sypean, ato bbman terus sampe ga fokus denger mereka cerita.

Yah begitulah mimpi dan revelation yang Tuhan kasih. Gw pas mimpi ini bener2 dibukain dan bersyukurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bener. I have been asking Him for quite long, kenapa oh kenapa gw diputusin gak jelas? Kenapa gak dari dulu aja putusnya sebelon sayang2 bgt and keluarga uda deket and buang waktu ajee nih. Tuhan gak jawab pas gw masi strugle2nya tuh, Tuhan jawab baru2 ini dimana gw udah gak mikirin my ex sama sekali.. dimana gw uda gak mikirin tentang having relationship or sebagainya. Sekali lagi He prove me that He hold the perfect timing! Ecc 3:11

Dear God sometimes is very hard for me to understand what You really want to happen and see Your ways. But as I trust You, all the impossible turning to I'm possible :) all because.. Jeremiah 29:11!