Kaki Yang Patah

I have a dream..

Yes, aku ini kalo tidur suka banget mimpi. Dari yang jelas sampe super gak jelas ahaha.. I do believe gak semua mimpi ada artinya, dan I do believe sometimes God speak to us through our dreams.

So here's the stories. Dalem mimpi ini ada si mantan pacarku, yang belon tau cerita gw strugglenya pas putus gimana bisa dibaca disini. Sebut saja namanya si A. Nah dimimpi itu, gw sama dia kaya masih in relationship gitu deh. Pergi bareng, ngobrol becanda ketawa-tawa, hang out dsb.

Eh tiba2 out of no where, kaki gw patah dan gw jalannya jadi tersangkut-sangkut susah gitu. Padahal dalam mimpi itu gw gak jatoh, gak keseleo, gak kesandung atau apapun deh cuma tiba2 gw jalan jadi terseok-seok. Every move that I made was very slow, cause you know its kinda hard to walk with only one leg.

And when I woke up, God give me this revelation. God speaks very clearly to me, I have been asking Him why and why I need to broke up with A. Its not easy for me, at that time I really really love him and we spent almost 3years together and we talk about built our future together. Yeah I know, I'm still young but for me when you are in relationship the attention should be getting married no other else. I love him, I love his family. We often dinner together with our parents, we go vacation with my family. He know what I like or I dislike, I feel very comfortable to be with him. His companion means a lot to me. I gave him one of my lovely dog. I have given him my whole heart, my attention, my time, etc. He become my priority.

Yeah you know, when God is not the center of your relationship. The relationship will go nowhere but goes down. Coz you don't know what true love is, love is about giving love is about sacrificing (1cor13:4). You don't understand in order to give your unfailing love to your spouse, first you need to experience His unfailing love. You keep looking security from man, you are insecure, you are looking from man's approval. Not knowing that God loves you so much that you are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14)

Soooooo back to the revelation of my dreams. Tuhan memutuskan hubungan ini. Maybe some of you ask loh kenapa Tuhan yg mutusin? bukannya si A? Iya emang A yg putusin, tapi gw percaya Tuhan turut bekerja dalam itu. He is the perfect God! Loh tapi bukannya Tuhan sangat mengasihi anak2Nya sehingga Dya gak mungkin rencanain yg buruk seperti putus?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Mimpi tentang kaki yang patah, yang jalan terseok-seok, tersangkut-sangkut, dan very slowww. Tuhan jelasin disini.. inilah yang akan terjadi kalau hubungan gw sama si A terus berlanjut. Hubungan gw sama si A gak sehat coz Tuhan udah gak jadi centre nya lagi. Ini digambarin dengan satu kaki yang patah bukan 22nya karena gw emang tetap percaya sama Tuhan tapi udah gak berapi2 kaya awal pacaran. Makin pacaran makin redup apinya, hubungannya jadi tarik2an bukan saling membangun. Sekarang NO NO NO NO deh kapok gw cincai2 sama standard yang gw buat, bener2 harus punya karakter yang kuat dulu deh baru memulai suatu relationship. harus tau kalo kita tuh COMPLETE dalam Tuhan dan pasangan kita hanya COMPLIMENT. kaya Adam, he is ALONE not LONELY. Pacaran bukan karena kesepian tapi karena kesiapan.

Kenapa di dalam mimpi ini Tuhan kasih ilustrasi kaki? Soalnya kaki itu yang melangkah, yang make movement. Berasa banget dengan hilangnya satu kaki kita akan jadi lamaaaaa dan gak seproduktif kalo punya 2kaki yang sehat. Gw ngalamin nih sekarang, kan gw cerita kan kaki gw lagi sakit.. yang belon tau bisa baca disini. Gila susahhh bangettt bokkkkk ngandelin satu kaki HUHU.

Setelah gw putus ini, gw bener2 fokus sama Tuhan Im coming back to the heart of worship! Gw bener2 using my singlehood fully, Tuhan jelasin kalo andaikata gw masi jadian sama si A gw tuh bakal terseok-seok. Terseok-seok means bakal susah/ slow/ gak produktip untuk menjalankan apa yg Tuhan kehendaki, wong gw fokusnya sama si A bukan sama Tuhan. Gw gak akan maksimal dalam memenuhi panggilan Tuhan dalam hidup gw karena hubungan ini ga sehat.

Nah buktinya ketika gw putus sekarang ini, gw bisa menuai banyak banget. Blog ini adalah salah satu hasil dari gw putus. Dimana gw mau share my story in hope to bless others :) Karena dulu gw suka keinget2 dia dan suka kepo stalk FB dia, untuk mengalihkan pikiran2 itu gw komit sma diri gw sendiri untuk baca blog kristen yg membangun, dan untuk komit baca 1buku 1bulan ;p which is kinda shocking news for people around me. Mentor gw sering banget suruh gw baca buku, temen gw juga rekomendasiin ini itu tapi gw males bangettt baca buku kristen gw suka baca novel dan cerita. Tapi untuk guide my heart and my mind, gw bener2 mau baca daripada gw stalk fb ga jelas waste my time man! Now, im so in love with Elizabeth George, Leslie Ludy, Joshua Harris, Jackie Kendal, Elizabeth Elliot, etc. Terus juga gw bisa spent time lebih banyak time sama anak2 oikos gw. Udah gak selalu mo pulang rumah cepet2 untuk sypean, ato bbman terus sampe ga fokus denger mereka cerita.

Yah begitulah mimpi dan revelation yang Tuhan kasih. Gw pas mimpi ini bener2 dibukain dan bersyukurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bener. I have been asking Him for quite long, kenapa oh kenapa gw diputusin gak jelas? Kenapa gak dari dulu aja putusnya sebelon sayang2 bgt and keluarga uda deket and buang waktu ajee nih. Tuhan gak jawab pas gw masi strugle2nya tuh, Tuhan jawab baru2 ini dimana gw udah gak mikirin my ex sama sekali.. dimana gw uda gak mikirin tentang having relationship or sebagainya. Sekali lagi He prove me that He hold the perfect timing! Ecc 3:11

Dear God sometimes is very hard for me to understand what You really want to happen and see Your ways. But as I trust You, all the impossible turning to I'm possible :) all because.. Jeremiah 29:11!