What Faith Can Do

Gw mau cerita tentang pergumulan yg lagi gw alamin, sekarang kan gw lagi cari2 kerja nih. Portfolio udah jadi dan kemaren Kamis gw uda mulai sent out my CV and sample art works. Gw cuma sent ke 7 company so far.
Wedding company:
1. Axioo
2. Edward Suhadi
3. Little Collins
Design company:
4. Nuage
5. Bentuk
6. Agung Podomoro
7. Transmahagaya

Kenapa gw apply kerja cuma sedikit? Soalnya ini company dimana gw bener2 mau masuk. Itu nomor yg gw list berurutan tuh sesuai my wish ;p They are big company, I aim high. Pertama-tama gw cuma apply kerja coba di company yg gw bener2 mau masuk dulu, kalo ga dapet ya uda baru gencar kirim kemana aja.

The reason why I want to work there, bukan karena my PRIDE. Wah kerja di company gede enak ya blabla terkenal. Tapi karena He give the passion, the desire that so strong. Nah tau darimana ini desire dari Tuhan? Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 Gw bener-bener bergumul sama Tuhan tentang pekerjaan, dimana Dia mau gw ditempatkan dsb.

I truly know and believe bukan karena gede ato hebatnya suatu company sampe kita bisa say God is good and amazing. He is ALWAYS good! Even in small company, we can say that. The most important is kita menjalani apa yg Tuhan kasih for our mission. We work there for a mission, to spread the gospel :) Wherever kita ditempatkan, dan every little things that happened in our life showed how great and amazing is our God! Dont have to wait ampe sesuatu besar terjadi to realize that!

And praise God! 3 dari company di atas call me for interview.. Axioo, Edward Suhadi, and Nuage. Axioo reply di hari Kamis juga, sedangkan Edward Suhadi dan Nuage ini besoknya hari Jumat. Padahal biasanya kata temen gw kalo big company bisa sampe 2-3minggu baru dipanggil. Axioo bilang kalo dya lagi arrange the schedule, and will let me know soon. Sedangkan yg 2company ini hari selasa gw interview. Pray for me yah :)

Everything sounds so good isnt it? But me! Im lack of give thanks. This evening I cried and cried.. There's really a big burden in my heart. And I prayed to God, I said.. God are You sure I can do this? Why I think I cant? Dan gw mulai takuttt banget, takut kalo ga betah, takut kalo gajinya ga meet my expectation, takut kalo lembur sampe kaya orgil, and the biggest fear as designer.. I scared that I will lost my creativity.. and dont have any fresh idea anymore :(
Karena jujur aja beberapa hari ini gw lagi jenuh banget sama design thingy, its like there's no joy and peace like I used to do. And I start thinking.. Apa gw salah ya ambil jurusan as graphic designer? DANG!!

Dan gw ini really a big fan of axioo. Dan ada satu jobscope di axioo yg gw suka banget, baca disini deh. Tapi sepertinya mereka intrevw gw as graphic designer. Gw mulai sedih dah.. Yah, I miss that chance.. padahal gw suka bgttt sama job scopenya. Dan ketakutan gw yg lain adalah, kata temen gw axioo itu kalo kabarin hasil interview bisa 3mingguan. Terus gw mikir, selasa ini intrvew, kalo keterima dan nanya kapan siap kerja gw akan jawab 14Nov kan pas tuh tengah bulan. Nah sedangkan sampe sekarang axioo belon ada kabar! Gimana kalo andaikata gw keterima di company lain dan harus kasi kabar asap? Haruskah gw terima offer mereka dan give up axioo ato nunggu axioo dengan chance belon tau juga hasilnya keterima or kaga??

I know I know Im thinking too much and so much negativity play around in my mind.
And I lost my faith, hey where's my faith?! Gw sadar bangettt kalo Im holding too tight and my dreams are causing me to be frustrated :(

Terus come acros this video from a friend of mine. See and watch, believe me its worth every second!



Makes me realize, that my faith in me can do nothing but His faith in me can do everything! He is the God who turns IMPOSSIBLE become I'M POSSIBLE. And how many times I have been force to my knees realizing theres no other place to go. Ya iyalah, gw uda bener2 ga tau lagi mo gmn. Gak mungkin kan ngotot2 sama axioo suru interview gw cepet2 dan kabarin cepet2. Ya udalah sekarang pasrah aja, if it is mine than its mine! If not, then He has a better YES for me! I will not give up on my dreams but I will release my worry and frustration.

Proverbs 23:18
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
3 He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.