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Monday, January 21, 2013

Love VS Marriage

I re-post this post from my friend's blog here. Do pay a visit her blog as well, many of worth-to-read post. I love the article coz it give an eye opening and insight. Please enjoyyyy!

***
Story: "Difference in Love and Marriage" 

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go through first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders... may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person..."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher. 

The teacher told him, "This time you bring back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get... This is marriage."
***

Gw setuju banget sama perumpamaan di atas. Gw personally, banyak banget ngeliat temen-temen sekitar gw. Yang udah mateng secara financial, character and spiritual tapi belon juga merid. Well, gw gak mau ngejudge mereka pemilih etc. Tentunya banyak sekali faktor yang menentukan. Panggilan single tiap orang ituh berbeda. Ada yang married muda bangett, ada juga yang normal. Kenapa gw bilang panggilan? Karena baik single, married, or to be a mom is all the same calling. No calling higher than the other. And there's time for every season.

For me, masa single gw adalah masa dimana gw bisa all out untuk Tuhan, pelayanan, ikud aktivitas dari pagi mpe malem, memperbaikin diri, try many new things, pokonya all out deh coz masi sangat energetic ditunjang dengan fisik yang masih kuat. Dan ketika gw udah jadi istri dan mommy, pelayanan gw di gereja mungkin udah gak bisa se'maximum ketika gw masi youth. Udah gak bisa tuh dari pagi ampe malem di gereja, coz gw perlu take care my hubby and my kids. Dan pelayanan gw yang terbesar akan menjadi faithful wifey and wise mommy. Dan mungkin ketika my kids start to grow up, I will be back to minister at church again. Udah lebih banyak waktu luang di luar rumah juga. That's why I said.. there's really time for every season. And no calling higher than the other as long as you all out for Jesus, live the life as He directs you to live and life alive.

Nah tapi dari cerita ini juga, gw diingatkan untuk kita para single ladies. Seringkali kita too enjoy with our single-life. Dan bener-bener gak peduliin masalah pasangan hidup. Ada yang fokus mengejar karir, dan ada beberapa cowo yang sungguh takut akan Tuhan mengejarnya tapi malah dicuekin dan super gak digubris karena super enjoy with life now. Nah ntar pas uda thirty over something pas uda mau merid, tapi lakinya udah gak ada gimana. Karena pasangan hidup itu pilihan, baca penjelasan ci Lia disini.

Loh bukannya kita harus life our live to the fullest? Yes it is true. Tapi juga jangan lupa harus sensitif dan peka. Kalo masih kuliah/ sekolah, belon kerja ya mending jangan memulai hubungan dulu. Tunggu sampe bener-bener mateng secara karakter dan spiritual. Jangan membangkitkan asmara sebelum pada waktunya, ntar berabe. Dan kalo emank masih mau bener-bener fokus melayani Tuhan and masih mau merid 5tahun lagi yah gapapa. I am a firm believer, pacaran cukup 1-2tahun ajah. Gak perlu lama-lama. Karena pacaran lama gak menjamin kenal orangnya. Pacaran harus tegas dan tau tujuannya untuk pernikahan. Yang setuju angkat tangan!! Haha. Dan pastikan juga kita sendiri pun udah mateng dan udah tau jelas visi misi dalam hidup kita tuh apa. Jangan cuma asal main consider karena udah kegatelan juga wakaka. In this case, we really need to counsel with kakak rohani/ pembimbing etc. Karena mereka yang bisa liat dan nilai, apakah kita uda ready for relationship?

And my point here is.. eventho kita lagi super enjoy sama single life, tapi benernya udah siap dan ready untuk sebuah relationship. Ketika ada cowo yang sungguh menanti dan sungguh takut akan Tuhan. You should really take it seriously and pray hard about it. Wether he got the chance or not. Jangan mentang-mentang tuh cowo setia menunggu. Terus kitanya santai-santai. Ntar in the end ditolak, kasian juga kan? How long is he willing to wait until kamu yakin? Or berapa lama kamu butuh waktu untuk give him an answer? We might thinking masih adalah ntar cowo lain yang lewat. Well, diatas langit selalu ada langit dan nature'nya manusia = tidak akan pernah puas. So my conclusion is.. ketika ada cowo yang bener-bener sincere dan sepadan ya harus di consider dan didoakan, jangan dilewatkan begitu saja mentang-mentang lagi enjoy your life now ato adanya beberapa minor point yang gak sesuai harapan kita. (Well, im talking to myself too) 

Alrite, maybe we can let him go. Can continually enjoy our life, happy-happy. Tapi not sure when will another good guy appear. Coz timing is God's mystery. Ketika ada cowo yang sincere dan sepadan tuh harus banget didoakan dan take seriously no matter how much you enjoy your single life now. Karena menemukan yang sepadan tuh gampang-gampang susah loh. Sepadan itu apa sih? Menurut gw sepadan itu, sama berat. Punya visi misi yang sama. Pernikahan itu idenya Tuhan, jadi ketika Dia mempertemukan dengan calon PH pasti juga dengan suatu visi. Gak cuma merid untuk beranak-beranak doank. Tapi biar rencana Tuhan turut tergenapi di dalam pernikahanmu. Misalnya gini: visi gw dari Tuhan itu so specific untuk pastoring menetap di Jakarta misalnya. Dan ada cowo yang lagi deketin gw itu visinya menjadi misionaris. Ini sama-sama dari Tuhan loh dan gak ada yang salah. Tapi ya kita gak sejalan kalo gak bisa saling mendukung. Karena untuk beberapa orang, Tuhan bener-bener kasih calling yang sangat specific. Baca disini untuk lebih jelas tentang visi misi.

Well, no other words needed to explain lah ya. Coz we truly know how hard it is to find someone that share the same burden and heart for Jesus, for the Kingdom of God. And waiting is the hardest part too. That's why, jangan sampe this statement happen in our life.

"You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person."

Wait in God alone, wait patiently for Him to act and be wise :) And one thing to remember as much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned. That's what you call GOD'S PLAN.

12 comments:

Agnes Paredandan

Sukaaa iniiiii :D

Anonymous

Adoh... Niatnya iseng baca malah kena jleb juga =)) #abed

Anonymous

udah ada yg Ci Anii consider blom? :D

Nonik (Louisa)

Aniiiii kok tulisan loe disini menohok-nohok amat seeeh errrrk =____= jadi keinget si doi yang gue ceritain ke elu ituu!! >.< bener sih sampe sekarang gue masih super enjoy with being single hahaha. i've been praying hard about him tapi serasa kagak dapet apa2 jadi gimenong dong :(

viryaniKHO

@agnespare iyahhh ini kan dapetnya dari lu juga re :D

@abed, jleb jleb jleb yahhh :P

@anonymous siapa ya? marchi ta? yang saya consider, nantikan saja ya cerita selanjutnya :)
and please leave your name dear.

@louisa, haha menohok-nohok gimana. gw pake bahasa sehari2 yg sering gw gunakan koq :P
toenk2 masalah si cowo itu yah.. kok muterrr lagiii sihhh. I thought kemaren itu juga lu udah jelas? think of this quest and answer it by yourself.
1. when are you wanna get married? kemaren bilang 27-28 kan. which is masih 5taon lagi. pacaran 5taon, ngapain?
2. udah jelas kah visi misi yg Tuhan kasih ke lu?
3. what is your purpose to be in relationship? to honor and glorify Him or just to satisfied your own need and desire?
being super enjoy single in the moment of singleness is a good thing kok. dan malah harus nya begitu :) live to the fullest every moments and treasure it.

Stephanie Gunawan

haiyaaa aniii.. talking to urself yaa.. haha kalo ada kesempatan, don't miss it. aduh jadi pengen nulis juga tentang pertimbangan2 gw dulu. haha

viryaniKHO

iyahhh more or less its like a great reminder for my self too! aioo tuliss tepp :D

btw, kt jadi ketemu kan yak this sat?

Lasma Frida

Ih,bca tlsan kmu in n ci lia jd pgn nulis jg pergmulan jaman doeloe.

Anonymous

pacaran 5 tahun dan belom married?mungkin karena factor finansial atau faktor waktu yang belum pas untuk married(busy on work)?i see lots of relationship over 7 years and they're doing great rather than relationship yg 1-2 tahun married ujung2 cerai eventhou mereka pelayan Tuhan yg takut Tuhan,ex: banyak pendeta2 cerai dan kena kasus.
yes i believe we're the one choosing our partner, but if someone like me and made a move but im not falling in love with him eventhough he's the Godly man your talking about..i believe it's okay cause i believe in relationship where man fall in love with women and so as the women fall in love with the man and such as there is no perfect human.
maybe im in denial to my own life so no hard feeling with the long comment
another thing i believe what u wrote is a bit sexist to the male.

viryaniKHO

Hei, thanks for your comment anyway.
First of all, to make it things clear here is. Gw agree juga kok banyak yg pacaran 7years and over tapi mereka tetep doing great.
But my point is, kalo emank masih busy in work dan belom ready dalam finansial, kenapa at the first place pacaran dulu? Kenapa gak siapin mateng dan ketika uda ready, baru pacaran.
Pacaran kelamaan itu menghambat banyak hal, contohnya ketika lu single itu lebih fokus untuk mutusin visi misi. lebih tau panggilan hidup. keputusan yang lu ambil gak terganggu dengan adanya -- harus mikirin dia juga. Maybe u ask, loh bukannya as couple harus mikrin secara bersama. YES! Tapi jelas gak tujuan pacarannya mo dibawa kemana?
And second thing, pacaran kelamaan -- jangan mencobai diri sendiri. We both know how hard it is to live our life in purity. Menjaga kekudusan itu susah. Baik dalam pikiran dan tindakan. Bisa menjamin kah dalam pacaran sekian lama gak jatuh ke dalam dosa? Apalagi standard kekudusan Tuhan itu sungguh tinggi. -- bila kamu sudah memikirkannya pun kamu sudah berdosa.

Dan untuk pendeta yang cerai dan kena kasus -- I wont give any comments here. Cause there are plenty of examples too yg pacaran bertaon2 dan cerei tuh, ex: Hollywood actress. Thats why gw ga mo komen banyak disini. Because I dont know whats your perspective towards it, and my perspective is all lies in God's foundation. You may read my other post to know more about what I believe in. Karena it depends how you see marriage life in the future. Emank no doubt ketika hamba Tuhan jatuh itu sangat mengecewakan, tapi juga banyak kok yg berhasil dan doing great. So let's see the positive things and learn from it, instead of the other way around :)

Well, I do believe in chemistry as well :) But feeling is not everything. God give us emotion but we are the lord of our feelings. Karena pernikahan itu butuh much more than "I love you, you love me." Marriage needs commitment, needs affection, needs heart that share the same vision and mission, and most of all needs God's love. I don't really believe in matters -- fall in love. Because when you are fall in love, there will be fall out of love. And we need to thank God because His love for us is so unconditional. No matter how much sin we did that break His heart, there He is always loving us with all He is. Thats why we need to love God first above all else and after that we can love our spouse like how He loves us :)

Volare Amanda

*mengangguk-angguk setuju*

viryaniKHO

@ Lasma, ayooo donk tulis untukkk pergumulannya gimana. aku pengen tau loh. dan aku percaya ketika kita share sst, itu bsa menjadi jawaban bagi org lain :D

@volare, goyang-goyang tangan salam kenal HAHA

@anonymous, and one more additional thing.
Yes, I agree with you there's no perfect human.
But there's a person who's willing to learn how to be perfect. And we should long for that kind of person :) A person who always strive to grow into Christ likeness. Because that man, wont fail you. He truly know that if he hurts you, he hurts God as well.

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