HTA Accomplished

Hari ini my ex boss birthday, dan gw diundang untuk rayain bareng.. Jadilah gw cepet2 dari sekolah langsung meluncur ke TKP..

And here's the birthday boss :D

And me.. Clara took the photos, she said pose like that nice.. But when I saw the photos.. Disappointed!!

Sengaja dia suruh gw pose begitu soalnya pas tuh sedotan di tengah idung.. jahatnya!! Dan pas lagi makan, Yuki temen gw bilang gini: eh Hta said must reprint one, there's no other way must reprint! Gw shock lah ya.. kok tiba2 suruh reprint padahal kerjaannya uda selsai lama. Yang belom baca cerita tentang pergumulan HTA, bisa baca disini. reprint means print ulang, dan berarti ada kesalahan fatal jadi mesti print ulang. Dan print ulang kan gak murah!! Apalagi itu annual report dan banyak pula 1000copy gtu.

Terus gw tanya, hah kenapa kok bisa? whats wrong? Panic at the disco gw. Terus si Yuki jawab lagi: Ya must reprint next year. Melvin said you did a good job and thanks to all of you for your patience. He mentioned your name in email too.

Melvin itu CEO di HTA gitu. Wowww! Must reprint next year itu means, untuk annual report tahun depan dia bakal pake jasa Loud! lagi untuk bikin annual report dsbnya :) Am so happy to hear that, uda gitu Yuki bilang kalo Melvin mention my name, my art director name, my sales team name. Berarti kan dia bener2 berterimakasih gitu sampe di mention by name.

Inget banget pas ngerjain HTA ini gw emosi jiwa sampe spaning tingkat tinggi!! Soalnya cape banget and demand mereka tinggi polll!! Tapi emang gak ada yg sia2 yah ketika kita berusaha keras dan bekerja untuk Tuhan.. Praise God :)

Proverbs 3:3-4
New International Version (NIV)
3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

I love Disney

Wanted to update my portfolio, looking for inspiration and tadaaaaa.. Out of suden I remember the Disney Dream Portraits . Very hard to find the website that contain all of the series. My friend every gave me one (the link), but I dont think I save it. So after 15mins of searching, here we go..

When every cinderella story comes true
Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella

When you are the fairest of them all
Rachel Weisz as Snow White

Where magic speaks, even when you're not the fairest of them all
Olivia Wilde and Alec Baldwin as the evil queen and magic mirror in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Where a moment of beauty last forever
Penelope Cruz as Belle and Jeff Bridges as the prince from Beauty and
the Beast

Where another world is just a wish away
Julianne Moore as Ariel in The Little Mermaid

Where memories take hold and never let go
Queen Latifah as Ursla from The Little Mermaid

When a whole new world awaits
Jennifer Lopez as Jasmine and Marc Anthony as Aladdin

Where your every wish is our command
Whoopi Goldberg as the Genie

Where imagination saves the day
David Beckham as Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty

Vanessa Hudgens as Princess Aurora & Zac Efron as Prince Phillip in Sleeping Beauty

When dreams run free
Jessica Biel as Pocahontas

Where you are always king of the court
Roger Federer as King Arthur

Where you never have to grow up
Gisele Bundchen as Wendy, Tina Fey as Tinker Bell and
Mikhail Baryshnikov as Peter Pan

Where the magic begins
Julie Andrews as the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio and
Abigial Breslin as Fira from Disney Fairies

When wonderland is your destiny
Beyonce as Alice, Lyle Lovett as the March Hare and
Oliver Platt as the Mad Hatter

Teach Me To Forgive

Siang2 pulang sekolah sambil nyemil my favorite chocolate, milky bar cookies and cream. Yeay! Life is good :) Nah, saya baca2 blog si Harry. Cerita yg dia baru post sukses buat gw mewek.. Terus ada sumber link nya ke christian stories. And below one of the story that really captured my heart.

One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.

His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there, and with tears in his eyes, he prayed.

"Lord - You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed.

Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive."

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them. He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head.

Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

"Have you ever told a lie, He asked?" The man answered, "Yes, Lord."

"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?" The man answered, "Yes, Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.

"Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours," Jesus asked? And the man answered, "Yes, Lord."

"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?" The man, crying now, answered, "Yes, Lord."

As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"? The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer, "Yes, Lord."

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before. Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."

It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something. But, when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is "If God brings you to it then He will bring you through it."

Meninggalkan Begitu Saja

Lagi buka2 message FB mencari sesuatu dan malah menemukan sesuatu..
Postingan dibawah ini gw dapet dari one of my grouls, si jane. Ketika gw putus dia gak nanya kenapa blabla, dan dia kasih gw artikel ini. Pas baca judulnya lgsg tertarik gw, soalnya pas banget sama gw keadaan hati saat itu :p Ini lah pentingnya kenapa kita harus MEMILIH bener2 temen kita, for you can see your future by seeing your friends :)
And Im proud to tell you that God has sent me a lot of angels into my life!

20March2011
renungan kecil :)
MENINGGALKAN BEGITU SAJA

Keluaran 33:14
"Lalu Ia berfirman: "Aku sendiri hendak membimbing engkau dan memberikan ketenteraman kepadamu.""

Bacaan Kitab Setahun: Mazmur 27; Matius 27; Keluaran 3-4

Setelah memenangkan medali perunggu pada Olimpiade 2004 di Athena, pegulat Rulon Gardner melepaskan kedua sepatunya, meletakkan di tengah matras, dan meninggalkannya sambil menangis. Air mata yang keluar oleh Gardner bukanlah karena dia kalah dari lawannya, tetapi karena dia harus mundur dari olahraga yang telah ditekuninya selama ini.

Akan ada waktunya kita semua meninggalkan sesuatu di dalam hidup ini, dan saat itu mungkin menyakitkan secara emosional. Seseorang yang kita kasihi meninggalkan kita lewat kematian atau anak kita yang masih kecil ketika besar akan meninggalkan rumah karena ingin membangun bahtera rumah tangganya sendiri bersama dengan orang yang dicintainya. Pekerjaan yang kita banggakan juga suatu saat harus ditinggalkan dan kita merasa seakan-akan telah meninggalkannya semua di belakang kita. Namun, jika kita mengenal Tuhan, kita hal itu tidak akan membuat kita takut untuk menapaki masa depan yang tak pasti.

Orang-orang Israel meninggalkan sesuatu yang sangat besar ketika Musa memimpin mereka keluar dari Mesir. Mereka meninggalkan beban berat perbudakkan, namun mereka juga meninggalkan segala hal yang stabil dan dapat diduga yang telah mereka kenali. Di kemudian hari, saat Tuhan berkata kepada Musa, Aku sendiri hendak membimbing engkau dan memberikan ketentraman kepadamu (Keluaran 33:14). Musa menjawab, jika Engkau sendiri tidak membimbing kami, janganlah suruh kami berangkat dari sini (ayat 15).

Pada saat menghadapi saat-saat yang paling sulit, kehadiran dan kedamaian Allah memberi kita kestabilan. Karena Dia menyertai kita, maka kita dapat berjalan menapaki masa depan dengan penuh keyakinan.

Setiap kehilangan yang meninggalkan kekosongan hanya dapat diisi oleh kehadiran Allah.

Makna Anjing Bagi Saya

One of my dog just passed away :(
Her name is Bessy, the only one female dog in my house.
She gave birth 4times already and gave me very cute puppies:)
She always gave birth two puppies, female and male. Below is the name of my puppies..

1st generation - Yoyo Cici
Yoyo is my dad and my sister favorite :) Cici is taken by my dad's friend.

2nd generation - Choco Chacha
Choco have very unique color, and I gave choco to my ex bf. Chacha I sold to one of my friend.

3th generation - Lexus, another one died
The cutest and little one, we called them ncus hihi.

4th generation - Anna Sui
Still at my house, waiting to be adopt by another dog lovers. Going to 2months.

Wakakaka, I know its kinda LOL name. Yeah, I like to see cute things and I like to make things cute ;p

Saya mau cerita mengenai makna anjing bagi saya.
Ketika ia bersamamu, kau mulai belajar...

Ketika ia mengotori lantaimu, kau hanya memarahinya sebentar dan menggelengkan kepala...
Kau belajar untuk SABAR.

Ketika melihat lantaimu kotor, kau mulai membersihkannya. Ketika ia lapar, kau mulai memberinya makan dan minum...
Kau belajar BERTANGGUNG JAWAB.

Ketika kau bersedih, dia mendatangimu, menggoyangkan ekornya dan memberikan mimik muka terbaiknya dan kau mulai tertawa...
Kau mulai belajar melihat HAL POSITIF yang ada di sekelilingmu.

Ketika kau pergi, dia selalu menunggumu di depan pintu dan ketika kau datang, dia melompat kegirangan seolah-olah kau adalah hal terbaik yang dia miliki...
Kau mulai belajar tentang arti KESETIAAN.

Ketika semua temanmu tak peduli akan masalahmu dan mullai meninggalkanmu, dia selalu ada di samping mu...
Kau mulai belajar tentang arti KEPEDULIAN.

Ketika mereka mengolok-olok mukamu jelek, badanmu gemuk, dan lain-lain, dia tidak peduli seperti apapun fisik kita dan perbuatan kita, dia akan selalu bangga padamu...
Kau mulai belajar tentang arti KETULUSAN.

Ketika kau memiliki makanan dan ia terlihat lapar, kau mulai membagi makananmu dengannya...
Kau mulai belajar untuk BERBAGI.

Dia adalah makhluk sempurna melalui caranya sendiri.
Dia adalah sahabat dan guru terbaik.
Dia hidup melalui caramu belajar...

And here's some picture of Bessy with her husband, Enzo my lovely dog. And yoyo :)

Can you differentiate which one is yoyo and which one is enzo?

Rest in peace my little dog :(
Gonna miss you much T__________________________T

You Can Have Everything But Not Everything

Bingung yah sama artinya? You can have everything but not everything. Haha sama gw juga bingung! LOH?! Sampe si Rangga bosnya Little Collins nanya ke gw: Mau lu apa sih, bisa dapet semua tapi gak semua. Gak ngerti deh gw?! Ahahaha.. Nih gw jelasin! Anyway, Little Collins bagusss loh I believe one day they will beat Axioo ahaha ;p I have faith in them. Nonton videonya yang ini deh bagus super my favourite.

Jadi gini ceritanya.. Pulang sekolah, gw janjian lunch bareng temen gw. Banyak yang mao ikut tadinya, tapi ntah napa jadilah kita berdua doank. Yah kalo berdua ngomongnya lebih intense and private lah ya bukan cuma yang basa basi. She was the mother of 4kids. She love kids and so do I, jadi kita nyambung banget. Dia cerita strugglenya dia give birth and etc. We shared and we laughed. She said that she wont stop having baby until she got baby boy. Ahaha.. I love the spirit! ;p

Terus jadi nyambung ke cerita, gw bilang one of my greatest fear itu kalo punya anak down syndrome. Duh dari dulu bangettt gw super takut kalo gw pregnant terus anak gw cacat mental gitu, soalnya tiap kali gw liat anak down syndrom itu pengen nangis bok rasanya ga tau kenapa. Banyak temen2 gw yg bilang jangan neting2 lah ya banyak juga kok yang sehat2 aja and perfectly fine. lagian mikir kejauhan aje ==''

Yak, egois banget yah gw ga mo terima kalo anak gw begitu! ketakutan banget Tuhan kasi anak down syndrome ke gw. Padahal my greatest desire juga have my own family, husband yg love God more than he loves me, so together me and my household we will serve the Lord, jadi mama yg built the next generation of God. Tapiiii gw takut bangett sampe gw hamil anak gw begitu.. toh gw tau gw ga bakal lakuin abortion coz equals to murder. Gw mikir Tuhan apa gw bisa sanggup yah gedeinnya. Kan it requires more time, more money, more energies etc. Udah stres sendiri padahal belon kejadian bok!

Nah gw cerita ke temen gw ini. Dan dya ceritain gw satu cerita true story tapi gw lupa nama artisnya soalnya susah! Sebutlah si A. si A ini artis terkenal banget, kaya cantik model artis pramugari pula. Dia punya satu anak baby boy yang super cute and handsome.. and sekarang dia lagi hamil lagi, anak cewe. Pas dia cek kandungan doing the scan and all that, she found out kalo baby girl ini cacat. Tangannya gak bersiku di bagian kanan kalo gak salah. Si A ini jadi stres banget, bingung mau do abortion (She is Malaysian actress) to tetep keep the baby. Dia super down, and beritanya uda tersebar dimana-mana.

Si A ini mimpi.. Dia mimpi kalo dia pergi ke Mekah untuk Naik Haji. Jadilah Dia ke Mekah.. Nah pas lagi di Mekah itu, jalan-jalan disana tiba2 ada cewe kecil samperin dia. Cewe kecil itu gak bersiku juga di bagian kanannya. Si A teriak histeris.. Dia shocked! Karena cewe kecil yang samperin dia itu keadaanya sama percis sama si baby yang lagi dia kandung.

Keesokan harinya si A ini pergi nemuin cewe kecil ini and minta maaf karena uda teriak di depan dia. dan menjelaskan keadaan dia sebenernya gimana.. setelah ngobrol2, si A pulang.. dan dia tau yakin kalo itu confirmation dari God untuk gak gugurin anaknya.. She felt relieve, she felt stronger, she felt confidence.

Pulang dari Mekah, dia jumpa pers and ngomong yang bikin gw takjub: Anak2 kaya gini butuh extra care, extra money, extra energy, extra understanding, extra acceptance and the most important extra love.. Karena ini butuh stronger mom to handle them.. And God has choose her to be one. Jadi dia ga bakal gugurin anak ini. Terus temen gw bilang loh, you can have everything but not everything. Lu bisa punya kekayaan, harta, cinta, karir, popularitas, dsb tapi lu juga ga bisa FORCE segalanya akan berjalan sesuai kehendak lu. Nobody's perfect. And that's why putting God in the middle of your life is very important. To walk in His ways and follow His paths.

JLEEEBBBBB! Pas denger jawaban si artis gw merinding abis lah. Itu kaya menjawab ketakutan gw selama ini, dan seketika itu juga gw lega ga takut2 lagi. Duh selama ini gw foolish abis takut2 kaya gitu, Tuhan bener2 ajar gw untuk gak egois dan belajar nerima semua yang Tuhan percayakan ke gw. Kalo Tuhan kasih gw anak yg begitu ya udah. Itu bukan cacat kok, bukan kesalahan kok!! Mungkin dunia mikir kalo ini pasti salah emak ato bapaknya ada karma lah apalah. Ato salah makan pas hamil etc. TAPI Tuhan gw itu Tuhan yang gak pernah bikin salah!

Jadi untuk kalian yang akan atau lagi hamil, yang takut begini begitu.. Atau kalian yang punya sodara yang down syndrom ato sedikit berbeda dari normal. Inget aja Tuhan choose you to be one. Bangga jadi stronger person dimata Allah. For He is the God that will never give you more than you can handle.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 cor 10:13

Telor Dan Tempe Gosong

Cerita yg sangat luar biasa..

Dua puluh tahun telah berlalu, namun masih terbayang jelas kenangan indah berikut...

Suatu malam, mama yang bangun sejak pagi, bekerja keras sepanjang hari, membereskan rumah tanpa pembantu, jam tujuh malam mama selesai menghidangkan makan malam papa yang sangat sederhana berupa telur mata sapi, tempe goreng, sambal teri dan nasi.

Sayangnya karena mengurusi adik yang merengek, tempe dan telor gorengnya sedikit gosong! Saya melihat mama sedikit panik, tapi tidak bisa berbuat banyak, minyak gorengnya sudah habis. Kami menunggu dengan tegang apa reaksi papa yang pulang kerja, pasti sudah capek melihat makan malamnya hanya tempe dan telur gosong.

Luar biasa! Papa dengan tenang menikmati dan memakan semua yang disiapkan mama dengan tersenyum, dan bahkan berkata: "mama terima kasih!", dan papa terus menanyakan kegiatan saya dan adik di sekolah.

Selesai makan, masih di meja makan, saya mendengar mama meminta maaf karena telor dan tempe yang gosong itu, dan satu hal yang tidak pernah saya lupakan adalah apa yang papa katakan:

"Sayang, aku suka telor dan tempe yang gosong."

Sebelum tidur, saya pergi untuk memberikan ciuman selamat tidur kepada papa, saya bertanya "apakah papa benar-benar menyukai telur dan tempe gosong?"

Papa memeluk saya erat dengan kedua lengannya yang kekar dan berkata "Anakku, mama sudah bekerja keras sepanjang hari dan dia benar-benar sudah capek, jadi sepotong telor dan tempe yang gosong tidak akan menyakiti siapa pun kok!"

Ini pelajaran yang saya praktekkan di tahun-tahun berikutnya: "BELAJAR MENERIMA KESALAHAN ORANG LAIN, dan memilih untuk merayakannya!", adalah satu kunci yang sangat penting untuk menciptakan sebuah hubungan yang sehat, bertumbuh dan abadi.

Semoga cerita diatas akan menambah wawasan kita, bahwa kesalahan bukanlah dijadikan sasaran tembak menyakitkan orang yang kita sayangi, tetapi justru menjadi pintu masuk menyatakan sikap sayang dan pintu maaf.

Kaki Yang Patah

I have a dream..

Yes, aku ini kalo tidur suka banget mimpi. Dari yang jelas sampe super gak jelas ahaha.. I do believe gak semua mimpi ada artinya, dan I do believe sometimes God speak to us through our dreams.

So here's the stories. Dalem mimpi ini ada si mantan pacarku, yang belon tau cerita gw strugglenya pas putus gimana bisa dibaca disini. Sebut saja namanya si A. Nah dimimpi itu, gw sama dia kaya masih in relationship gitu deh. Pergi bareng, ngobrol becanda ketawa-tawa, hang out dsb.

Eh tiba2 out of no where, kaki gw patah dan gw jalannya jadi tersangkut-sangkut susah gitu. Padahal dalam mimpi itu gw gak jatoh, gak keseleo, gak kesandung atau apapun deh cuma tiba2 gw jalan jadi terseok-seok. Every move that I made was very slow, cause you know its kinda hard to walk with only one leg.

And when I woke up, God give me this revelation. God speaks very clearly to me, I have been asking Him why and why I need to broke up with A. Its not easy for me, at that time I really really love him and we spent almost 3years together and we talk about built our future together. Yeah I know, I'm still young but for me when you are in relationship the attention should be getting married no other else. I love him, I love his family. We often dinner together with our parents, we go vacation with my family. He know what I like or I dislike, I feel very comfortable to be with him. His companion means a lot to me. I gave him one of my lovely dog. I have given him my whole heart, my attention, my time, etc. He become my priority.

Yeah you know, when God is not the center of your relationship. The relationship will go nowhere but goes down. Coz you don't know what true love is, love is about giving love is about sacrificing (1cor13:4). You don't understand in order to give your unfailing love to your spouse, first you need to experience His unfailing love. You keep looking security from man, you are insecure, you are looking from man's approval. Not knowing that God loves you so much that you are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14)

Soooooo back to the revelation of my dreams. Tuhan memutuskan hubungan ini. Maybe some of you ask loh kenapa Tuhan yg mutusin? bukannya si A? Iya emang A yg putusin, tapi gw percaya Tuhan turut bekerja dalam itu. He is the perfect God! Loh tapi bukannya Tuhan sangat mengasihi anak2Nya sehingga Dya gak mungkin rencanain yg buruk seperti putus?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Mimpi tentang kaki yang patah, yang jalan terseok-seok, tersangkut-sangkut, dan very slowww. Tuhan jelasin disini.. inilah yang akan terjadi kalau hubungan gw sama si A terus berlanjut. Hubungan gw sama si A gak sehat coz Tuhan udah gak jadi centre nya lagi. Ini digambarin dengan satu kaki yang patah bukan 22nya karena gw emang tetap percaya sama Tuhan tapi udah gak berapi2 kaya awal pacaran. Makin pacaran makin redup apinya, hubungannya jadi tarik2an bukan saling membangun. Sekarang NO NO NO NO deh kapok gw cincai2 sama standard yang gw buat, bener2 harus punya karakter yang kuat dulu deh baru memulai suatu relationship. harus tau kalo kita tuh COMPLETE dalam Tuhan dan pasangan kita hanya COMPLIMENT. kaya Adam, he is ALONE not LONELY. Pacaran bukan karena kesepian tapi karena kesiapan.

Kenapa di dalam mimpi ini Tuhan kasih ilustrasi kaki? Soalnya kaki itu yang melangkah, yang make movement. Berasa banget dengan hilangnya satu kaki kita akan jadi lamaaaaa dan gak seproduktif kalo punya 2kaki yang sehat. Gw ngalamin nih sekarang, kan gw cerita kan kaki gw lagi sakit.. yang belon tau bisa baca disini. Gila susahhh bangettt bokkkkk ngandelin satu kaki HUHU.

Setelah gw putus ini, gw bener2 fokus sama Tuhan Im coming back to the heart of worship! Gw bener2 using my singlehood fully, Tuhan jelasin kalo andaikata gw masi jadian sama si A gw tuh bakal terseok-seok. Terseok-seok means bakal susah/ slow/ gak produktip untuk menjalankan apa yg Tuhan kehendaki, wong gw fokusnya sama si A bukan sama Tuhan. Gw gak akan maksimal dalam memenuhi panggilan Tuhan dalam hidup gw karena hubungan ini ga sehat.

Nah buktinya ketika gw putus sekarang ini, gw bisa menuai banyak banget. Blog ini adalah salah satu hasil dari gw putus. Dimana gw mau share my story in hope to bless others :) Karena dulu gw suka keinget2 dia dan suka kepo stalk FB dia, untuk mengalihkan pikiran2 itu gw komit sma diri gw sendiri untuk baca blog kristen yg membangun, dan untuk komit baca 1buku 1bulan ;p which is kinda shocking news for people around me. Mentor gw sering banget suruh gw baca buku, temen gw juga rekomendasiin ini itu tapi gw males bangettt baca buku kristen gw suka baca novel dan cerita. Tapi untuk guide my heart and my mind, gw bener2 mau baca daripada gw stalk fb ga jelas waste my time man! Now, im so in love with Elizabeth George, Leslie Ludy, Joshua Harris, Jackie Kendal, Elizabeth Elliot, etc. Terus juga gw bisa spent time lebih banyak time sama anak2 oikos gw. Udah gak selalu mo pulang rumah cepet2 untuk sypean, ato bbman terus sampe ga fokus denger mereka cerita.

Yah begitulah mimpi dan revelation yang Tuhan kasih. Gw pas mimpi ini bener2 dibukain dan bersyukurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bener. I have been asking Him for quite long, kenapa oh kenapa gw diputusin gak jelas? Kenapa gak dari dulu aja putusnya sebelon sayang2 bgt and keluarga uda deket and buang waktu ajee nih. Tuhan gak jawab pas gw masi strugle2nya tuh, Tuhan jawab baru2 ini dimana gw udah gak mikirin my ex sama sekali.. dimana gw uda gak mikirin tentang having relationship or sebagainya. Sekali lagi He prove me that He hold the perfect timing! Ecc 3:11

Dear God sometimes is very hard for me to understand what You really want to happen and see Your ways. But as I trust You, all the impossible turning to I'm possible :) all because.. Jeremiah 29:11!

Living A Good Life to Leaving A Good Life

Teng Tong Ting Tong Tang Teng Tong Ting Tong Tang
Suara alarm hapeku bunyi.. Jam 8pagi. Uh males banget bangun..
Balik badan ganti posisi tidur, dan tiba-tiba..
EUCHHHH sakitt banget kakiku..

Jadilah aku bangun, mandi dan siap-siap. Nunggu bus dateng dan naik terus stop turun lalu jalan ke Raffles Hospital. Level 13, anthropology center huhu..

Yak, theres something really wrong with my left leg. Kaki kiriku gak bisa nekuk dan gak bisa lurusin lurus banget, rasanya super ngilu dan sakittt banget! Gak tau kenapa, padahal gak jatoh ato keseleo. Buat jalan sih no problemo at all. Aneh bin ajib. Sakitnya uda dari tanggal 20June kemaren sampe sekarang ini. Jadi bener-bener decide mau ke dokter deh and make an appointment.

Jujur sejujurnya males banget ke dokter, soalnya anti banget.. Kalo gak sakit-sakit banget paling ogah ke dokter, tapi karena ini masalah kaki jadi ngeri dan ga berani macem-macem. Benernya aku belajar dan agak trauma dari kejadian si mama. Mamaku duluuu banget 6taon yang lalu pernah jatoh dari motor, ketiban motor gitu deh kaki kanannya, sakit dikit biru gtu. Terus didiemin gak dipeduliin. Eh 2tahun kemudian, kakinya getting worse dan di cek ke dokter ternyata tulang rawan di dengkulnya uda gak ada ngeri uy jadi sampe skrg uda di operasi 2x padahal dya masi 47tahun loh :( And thats why my mom keep pushing me to see doctor and she always said "I dont want you to regret later like I did now"

HUHU jadilah aku tiduran di kasur sang dokter, dipijit-pijit dengkul kiri dan dengkul kanan. Dengkul kanan perfectly fine, yang kiri? Jangan tanya pegang dikit aja sakit euy!!

Doctor asked me several questions:
-. What are you working as? Do you stand often?
Graphic designer, nope my job requires me to sit almost of the time.
-. Do you do sports regularly?
Never at all, at least these 3months.
-. Are you falling or slipping?
Nope
-. Any pain during walking or running?
Walking nope, but running I dont know because I seldom run.
-. Do you have allergic with any medicine?
Nope

Terus dokternya menjelaskan keadaan gw, kalo gw itu bukan injury tapi living a good life. Alamak! Dia bilang otot kaki aku itu gak dibiasain olah raga and tiba-tiba disuru lakuin hal yang berat jadi kaget, terus soft bone nya gak kuat jadi keluarin cairan dan cairannya itu menjalar ke belakang dengkul dan nyebabin gak nyaman plus rasa sakit ketika jongkok dan lurusin kaki.

HUAAAAAA ngerii amat yak penjelasannya! Cairan apa pula? Panic at the disco! Terus aku tanya ke dokternya, tapi dok kenapa cuma yg kiri dan yang kanan perfectly fine? and he answered: It will take short period of time to spread to your right leg. Untuk liat hasilnya dan tindak lanjut saya anjurkan ambil X-ray tapi X-ray juga percuma gak bisa kasih liat jelas. Jadi MRI aja. Dan gw shocked tambahan! MRI tuh gak boleh sembarangan dilakuin coz yg gw baca katanya bisa ngerangsang sel tumbuhnya kanker dan biayanya mahal bo!

Jadi aku dibikinin appointment for next saturday, the cost is 700-1100SGD for MRI left kneel only. Terus telpon papa cerita, papa cuma dari sana uda panik terus aduh.. aduh aduh gitu terus.. :( Dia suru MRI juga secepatnya dan gak bisa didiamin. Tapi aku ngotot mahal paaaa di indo aja cuma setengah harga (perhitungan emang gw haha) lagian ani takut MRI. Papa bilang kelamaan tunggu ani pulang. Terus bargain lagi, ya udalah uda dikasi obat, liat seminggu kalo masi sakit banget ya uda pergi tapi kalo kagak di indo aja MRInya.

Yak, saya memang tau kalo kesehatan itu tidak bisa dibeli jadi MRI ajalah harga segitu gak ada apa-apanya dibanding kesehatan fullll! Tapiiii aku bener2 mikir, aku minta appointment seminggu lagi karena aku bener2 mo fokus doain minum obat teratur dan see how, kalo emang masi sakit ok I will go for MRI. Walo sebenernya gak jelas aja apa yang mau di MRI, temen aku dulu disuru dokter cek up sana sini soalnya dya kalo duduk bagian punggung kanannya sakit jadilah disuru X-ray cek darah blabla abis 400SGD tau-tau semua hasil keluar dan dokter cuma bilang itu MASUK ANGIN. JRENG JENG JRENGGG.

Duluu juga pernah sekitar tahun lalu, bahu kananku itu bisa bunyi cetak cetek kaya kita pegel terus tekuk-in jari-jari bunyi kan tuh hehe. Terus somehow kadang kalo aku move itu dadaku bisa sakit. Aku tau something wrong with my shoulders. Because I used to brought a lots of heavy stuff, my laptop, and my school stuff (A3 papers, drawing book, my print file, etc). Terus kasi tau si papa eh si papa bebisaan langsung telp raffles dan booking appointment sama dokter jantung! YAK dokter JANTUNG! Astaga punya astaga! Jadilah aku sama housemateku si vebriana ke sana, begitu masuk ruang tunggu semua uda kakek nenek. Masuk ke dokter si dokter sampe kaget ngapain masi muda kesini? Malu dah =='' Terus cek up, X-ray cek darah sampe di pakein kabel2 gitu kaya di film2 di tempel kabel di jidat sekitar muka. Terus hasil keluar semua PERFECTLY FINE! Detak jantung ok! Hasil darah ok! Tekanan darah ok! Terus dokternya juga suruh untuk MRI mungkin struktur tulang. Hayah abis 500dolar buat begono aja.

Pulang-pulang ngoceh sama papa, kenapa book dokter jantung sih uda dibilang ani mau ke general doctor dulu kan cek up doank. GGGRRR. Papa malah bilang, daerah dada kalo gak jantung ya paru-paru. Ya uda sekarang ke specialist paru-paru sana cek up. No thanks dad! Anak ga tau diri!!! Padahal kalo dipikir tuh beneran deh, it shows how much he loved me sampe langsung di booked yg ke PRO! wkwkwkw.

Terus pas kemaren ini mumpung lagi balik indo, ke dokter di RS Puri sekalian temenin dedeku yg abis operasi cabut pen patah kaki. Terus dokter suru aku bungkuk, dya megang bagian kanan dan dya bilang oh kamu tulangnya miring. X-ray deh. Hasil X-ray uda keluar dan emang nunjukin miring sedikit. Penyebabnya yah emang dari sananya uda begitu dan keturunan. Si mama dipanggil dan disuru bungkuk juga terus bener sama miring juga. Nama penyakitnya scoliosis.

Gw tanya juga, kenapa baru sekarang sakitnya dulu kagak? Padahal kata dokter uda dari kecil strukturnya begini? As we grow older, makin banyak beban yg harus ditanggung dan akan ada keluhan. Otot-otot yg ga kuat bawa barang kuat dll. Semuanya depend sama orang and kemampuan masing-masing juga. Contohnya si mama bengkok juga tapi ga ribut pegel tuh. Terus dokternya bilang salah satu buat sembuhinnya itu olahraga berenang. Terus aku dalih hah berenang dimana di singapore?? Dia ada suggest satu alat juga untuk narik badan gitu biar bantu ilangin rasa sakitnya sedikit, harus dipake setelah bangun tidur dan pas mao bobok. Harus rajin pakenya biar efektip! Aku beli deh, di indo pake rajinnn tapi itu kan ga bisa dibawa ke Singapore kan gede jadi gimana donk? Berenang sama sapa disinii??

Yah maybe its true that im living a good life. Gak pernah olahraga dan selalu di zona nyaman. Dari kejadian ini bener2 belajar segala sesuatu yang berlebihan itu gak baik! Berlebihan santaiii jadilah pemalas, berlebihan kerja jadilah workaholic dan cinta uang, etc. Dalam kehidupan Kristen kita juga harus di cek, apa ada yg menjadi comfort zone kita? Sehingga itu menjadikan Tuhan bukan prioritas utama lagi? Udah keenakan ada ini itu, punya ini itu jadi keberadaan Tuhan udah gak penting banget dan udah gak nomor satu!

Day by days during my quiet time I always ask God to shake my comfort zone, to remind me always that He is the only one that I need and without Him im nothing! Eh bener loh, simple prayer tapi bener-bener show kalo dihidup ini banyak masalah dan gak gampang karena itu we need His strength His joy His mercy and His love to pass all these things :) Ada aja kejadian yg harus aku pikirkan mateng-mateng dan harus menyertakan Tuhan atau ada hal lain yang aku pikir aku BISA tapi ujung-ujungnya harus bertekuk lutut minta ampun sama Dia, bahwa HANYA Dia yang sanggup. Dan sekali lagi disini DIAJAR sekaligus DIHAJAR! Leave your comfort zone ani! And do exercise. Your body is My Holy temple!

Saya sekarang bernjanji akan olahraga dan exercise kecil-kecilan. Stretching misalnya yg simple tapi saya pastikan saya bergerak dan mengeluarkan keringat! Kalo ada kolam renang dekat rumah saya akan pergi walaupun itu sendiri :( Dan mulai cari gym yg provide swimming pool. And please pray for me. I really dont want to do MRI. I scared :( Hope after finish this medicine will getting better and perfectly heal! Amen :)

God's Table Requires Table Manners

You undoubtedly felt awkward the first time you had to learn which fork to use. But with that knowledge you can enter any dining experience with confidence. The same is true when you dine at God's table. At first it seems difficult. But learning the right manners makes it possible for you to be in any situation and please the Father.

Table manners at God's table:

Read the menu.
You must spend time reading what God has prepared. Read your Bible, meditate on the Word. It will give you strength and illumination according to God's plan for your life. It will keep you on course and remind you of your responsibilities in order to fulfill the plan of God.

Accept the seating.
God has a place for you - in Him - that far outweighs anything the pleasures of this life have to offer. The fleshly, carnal attitudes of your world will be a constant source of contention in this life. But God calls you to sit in His kingdom, not in the world. Satan will try to convince you to take a lesser seat, that those serving God have more time, money, or talent than you. He wants you to measure flesh against flesh. Don't listen to him. Sit in the seat of inheritance that God has waiting for you.

You have to do your own chewing.
Too many Christians expect God to take out a spoon and dish up the blessing for them. He is supposed to place it in our mouths, work our jaws to chew it up, and help us swallow it. We want God to do everything. The fact is that you have responsibility in God's sovereign world.

Finish the meal.
John 3:16 tells us, God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son. Some believe that because God has already come and died for the sins of the world, they don't have to do anything else. However, it's important to finish the phrase regarding man's responsibility: whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. You must come to Him in order to receive the forgiveness that He purchased for you.

Count the fruit.
If you are not willing to bear fruit for Him, then He is not obligated to answer your requests, even if you ask things in His name. Jesus declares, Everything that the Father gives me will come to me, and anyone who comes to me I will never drive away (John 6:37). The Holy Spirit inspires us to go to Jesus and do what He asks of us. His sovereignty makes the first move toward us, but because He gave us free will, we must move toward Him as well.

Entertaining Angels

One stormy night many years ago, an elderly man and his wife entered the lobby of a small hotel in Philadelphia. Trying to get out of the rain, the couple approached the front desk hoping to get some shelter for the night.

"Could you possibly give us a room here?" the husband asked. The clerk, a friendly man with a winning smile, looked at the couple and explained that there were three conventions in town.

"All of our rooms are taken," the clerk said. "But I can't send a nice couple like you out into the rain at one o'clock in the morning. Would you perhaps be willing to sleep in my room? It's not exactly a suite, but it will be good enough to make you folks comfortable for the night."

When the couple declined, the young man pressed on. "Don't worry about me; I'll make out just fine," the clerk told them. So the couple agreed.

As he paid his bill the next morning, the elderly man said to the clerk, "You are the kind of manager who should be the boss of the best hotel in the United States. Maybe someday I'll build one for you."

The clerk looked at them and smiled. The three of them had a good laugh.

As they drove away, the elderly couple agreed that the helpful clerk was indeed exceptional, as finding people who are both friendly and helpful isn't easy.

Two years passed. The clerk had almost forgotten the incident when he received a letter from the old man. It recalled that stormy night and enclosed a round-trip ticket to New York, asking the young man to pay them a visit.

The old man met him in New York, and led him to the corner of Fifth Avenue and 34th Street. He then pointed to a great new building there, a palace of reddish stone, with turrets and watchtowers thrusting up to the sky.

"That," said the older man, "is the hotel I have just built for you to manage."

"You must be joking," the young man said.

"I can assure you I am not," said the older man, a sly smile playing around his mouth.

The older man's name was William Waldorf Astor, and the magnificent structure was the original Waldorf-Astoria Hotel.

The young clerk who became its first manager was George C. Boldt. This young clerk never foresaw the turn of events that would lead him to become the manager of one of the world's most glamorous hotels.

The Bible says that we are not to turn our backs on those who are in need, for we might be entertaining angels.

Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than the things you acquire.

I Will Paint You A Rainbow

I'll paint you a rainbow as a gift from me,

Then hang it from heaven for the whole world to see.

On a canvas of love I'll cover your fears,

With a soft brush I'll dry all your tears.

I'll paint you a rainbow with feelings so deep,

My stroke will be gentle, my touch you may keep.

On a palette of words I will tenderly blend,

Colorful thoughts with bright verses to send.

I'll paint you a rainbow in reds, blues and gold,

Stretched like loving arms ready to enfold.

And deep in the center of the most vibrant hue,

I'll etch from memory the essence of you.

I'll paint you a rainbow, a bridge to my heart,

So loneliness and pain can begin to depart.

Just look up at the sky when life hits a bend,

I painted a rainbow for YOU my friend.

When A Thunder Comes

Is only You Father taking my picture..

I woke up too early this morning because of heavy raining outside.. I dislike thunderbolt alot.. Ask me why? Im not so sure too why..
So I woke up, I sat and took my bible.. I started to do my quiet time, I prayed. I asked God to relieve the storm outside so I could go back to sleep again :p and also to relieve the storm that is in my heart and mind. Humm..
And I flip over my diary.. Suddenly come over to this page..

02 May 2011 - Church Camp day two..
Speaker Dr Van

When a thunder comes.. is only You Father taking my picture..
I will never forget the stories that he told us..

First illustration
Alkisah di malam hari seorang ayah sedang menceritakan dongeng kepada putri ciliknya untuk menemani sang kekasih hati tidur.. Setelah mencium kening sang putri, ayah mengatakan "selamat tidur putri kecilku, I love you" dan mematikan lampu.
Sang ayah pergi menemui bunda di dapur, dan mengadakan perbincangan sederhana seputar hari yang mereka lewati.. Tiba-tiba hujan deras mengguyur rumah mereka bergantian dengan kilat dan sambar petir..
"Aku pergi melihat keadaan putri kecil dahulu" kata sang ayah.. Siapa tau dya ketakutan dan tidak bisa tertidur. Beranjak lah sang ayah ke kamar putrinya, melihat ke dalam kamar si kecil..
Lampu kamar masih gelap namun di kasur kosong, si putri kecil tak ada di kasurnya. Ayah melihat ke kiri dan kanan mencari keberadaan sang putri.. Kemanakah dya?
NAH! There she is.. Si putri kecil berdiri tepat di depan jendela kamarnya yang tirainya terbuka lebar sambil merentangkan kedua tangannya..
"Sedang apa kamu disana sayang? Kenapa tidak kembali tidur? Tidakkah kamu takut akan petir itu?"
Sang putri kecil menjawab.. "Aku berdiri disini karena Tuhan sedang mengambil foto diriku ayah.."

One thing I have learn from this story.. We need to have heart like little children.. have faith like little children.

Matthew 18:3
Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven."

Abraham go to the promise land by going not knowing, walking not knowing! Sometimes is very hard for us to determine God's ways. But God have the perfect ways and the perfect timing. Not one second earlier, not one second late. God is in perfect timing and perfect purpose!

God knows what He is doing and He is always in control. I know and I experienced it that following God is not easy and sometimes very hard! But everything that happen in our life is not coincidence but God's coincidence. Whatever situation you face rite now, remember that God is always in perfect control!

Second illustration
Setiap kita memiliki mimpi dan harapan yang kita genggam. Semakin erat kita menggenggam mimpi itu di jari-jari kita, semakin sulit untuk Tuhan menarik satu-satu jari kita dan akan sangat menyakitkan.. Dimulai dari Tuhan menarik membuka jari kelingkingmu, jari manis, dst.

God want to educate us in His thinking, the more hard we keep our will, it is very hard for God to open our mind. Because we against His will. God will take anything that block us from our faith, from His purpose. He him selves will make sure that His calling will come to past! His calling is irrevocable.

Walking with God is not always easy.. sometimes is scary and dangerous. God promises a safe landing but not a calm passage. In this journey of life, we need to set our eyes on God alone! Because nothing last forever, forever is one God's own! He is the only one last forever. Our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is reliable and faithful!

Hebrew 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

There's something along the way in our journey that God want us to learn, that He want us to understand. God always working behind our scene for us. He know the perfect time, He know the best way. He created each of use uniquely, we all have different capacity.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

When God give the words we need to obey! Obedience comes from true revelation and revelation comes from true obedience. Everyday we step out say to God, God i want to obey You and give me Your wisdom and Your revelation. Keep walking, keep going and keep trusting! :)

God never promised
A life without pain,
Laughter without tears
Or sun without rain.
But He did promise
Strength for the day,
Comfort for the tears
And light for the way,
And for all who believe
In His Heaven above
He rewards their faith
In His everlasting love.