When God Brings Back Your Past

Kamis, 20 September 2012 
Pagi ini gw kebangun gara-gara suara menggelegar dari nyokap gw. Nyokap gw manggil'in enzo terus. "Enzo sini sayang, kok kamu lemes banget sih. Enzo kok tumben gak mau makan". Gw masi lagi tidur tuh dan gw gak tergerak untuk bangun, soalnya gw pikir uda biasa nyokap gw manggil-manggilin enzo tiap pagi. Sampe nyokap gw tereak super kenceng, "Enzo jangan mati sayang ini mama." Gw langsung loncat bok dari kasur lari buat ngecheck my cutie dog.

Pas gw liat enzo, langsung gw gendong dan bener aja matanya udah sayu banget, lidahnya pucet and his heart beat so slow. Gw panik at the disco deh! Bokap nyokap gw langsung bikinin susu buat netralin mungkin dya keracunan or apa. Tapi tetep enjo gak mau :( Jadi perlu dicekok'in deh. Gw sama dede gw yang cowo sibuk browsing cari vet yang kemungkinan buka soalnya kan pikada hari ini.

Thanks God susu bereaksi cepet di enjo, udah gak pucet lagi lidahnya dan uda mulai mau mamam. Tapi gw tetep bawa ke vet. Ini vet 24 jam, tau dari temen gw dulu dya pernah kasi tau kalo vet ini bagus. Pas gw kesana, enzo di check dll dokternya bilang kalo dya kurang glukosa dikasih beberapa obat tapi basically dya gak in serious condition koq yeay! Vet'nya bagus, dokternya juga berpengalaman. Pulang dari sono, di mobil gw bilang ke temen gw.. Coba kalo dulu lilo gw bawa yah kesini, mungkin dya masi idup. Yang gak tau kejadian lilo, boleh baca disini. Lilo emang gw bawa ke vet juga, tapi vet deket rumah. Pas saat itu gw uda tau vet ini, tapi karena lebih jauh gw pikir pertolongan pertama gw bawa yang deket dulu.

Ketika gw sampe rumah, gw cerita sama nyokap gw keadaan enzo. Gw cerita gw bawa ke vet mana dan dokternya bagus. Terus nyokap gw langsung nyeletuk, coba ya ce dulu kita bawa lilo kesana mungkin dya masi idup. Gw langsung DEG! Nyokap gw berpikiran sama. Padahal gw belon menyuarakan pemikiran gw.

Sabtu, 22 September 2012
Hari ini Ci Erlyn sanjit'an dan gw diajak juga untuk jadi nona manis katanya haha :P Pas lagi otw ke tempat sanjit'nya di tengah jalan gw liat mobil dengan plat nomor B696NIE *Bukan no yang sebenernya yah* Pas liat mobil itu gw langsung deg, soalnya gw curiga itu plat mobil my ex. Ntah kenapa bisa langsung mikir gitu, berdasarkan feeling aja sih. Soalnya angka dan nama yang tertera di mobil itu super mendekati sama angka ultah dan nama my ex.

Gw satu mobil sama temen gw juga, terus gw senggol-senggol dya. Eh liat deh itu mobilnya si A bukan yah? Terus temen gw bilang kayanya iya deh, soalnya dulu dya perna pajang poto di BB picturenya plat nomor dengan huruf belakang NIE yang sama, cuma angkanya berapa temen gw itu gak inget. Dan mobilnya warnanya pun sama kata dya. Temen gw nanya balik ke gw, gw bilang I have no idea soalnya kan BB gw rusak dan I lost all my data termasuk contacts.

Saya langsung diam dan berpikir. Kemaren tuh kita lagi jalan di daerah gading gitu. Dan dulu setaunya gw tentang ex gw, dya jarang banget ke daerah sana. Gw jadi wonder.. Lagi apa dya sekarang, gimana kabar dya. Kalo gw masih jalan sama dya sekarang, gimana yah? Kalo andai aja waktu itu kita udah sama-sama lebih dewasa, apa bakal ends up kaya gini hubungannya? Baca masa struggle gw disini. 

***

Each and everyone of us have different stories about our past. To be honest I don't know why suddenly the memory of my past come back to attack me again. Gw sempet galau dan down for a moment. I thought gw uda bener-bener relain lilo pergi. Gw udah gak pernah nangis sedikitpun kalo inget dya. I thought gw juga uda sebodo amat sama ex gw. Gw gak pernah nyesel karena kita putus, malah I thank God for my single life right now! Tapi kenapa ada tiba-tiba ada kejadian simple begitu gw langsung terusik? Dan kenapa harus bersamaan? Losing lilo is one of the greatest lost for me and breaking up with my ex is one of the biggest turning point in my life. So these two things play a big role in my life. 

Gw terus bergumul sama Tuhan, Tuhan kenapa ya? Bukannya ani uda relain lilo, dan ani juga uda move on sama si A. Jujur aja gw sebel dengan perasaan gw sendiri yang ga bisa gw kontrol ketika tiba-tiba masalah kecil aja bisa membuat gw terusik. Fyi, gw bukan type cewe yang gampang moody, bete, down or drop. Gw suka ketawa-ketawa, type yang yaudalah ya.. dan sangat easy going with what life may bring to me. Tapi sekali saya down, bisa lama gitu huhu. Makanya gw sangat menghindari hal-hal yang bisa bikin gw down.

Terus pulang dari sanjit'an Ci Eyn gw ke gereja karena ada audisi make-up dan ada Mawar Sharon Woman, kebaktian khusus cewe dengan tema if you are a woman, what is your true success? Interesting, isn't it? Sebelum kotbah ada PAW seperti biasa, dan lagu terakhir di worship itu adalah Saat KusembahMu dan lyricnya ada yang nancep banget.

"Nyatakan kemuliaanMu saat kusembahMu"

Dari lyric ini gw sadar, disaat gw lemah dan down gw menemukan pengharapan HANYA di dalam Dia. In order untuk Tuhan menyatakan kemuliaanNya atas hidup gw, gw harus benar-benar mencari wajahNya dan keluar dari comfort zone gw. I really thank God for my life, people around me, my job etc, gw super duper blessed beyond words dan dengan kejadian begini gw bener-bener diingetin kalo gw harus terus selalu menempel di pokok anggur yang benar.

When I flip over my bible, this verse suddenly pop out. 2Corinthians12:10 "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Dan pas gw skimming baca ayat atasnya, ayat 9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."

How about you guys? You may ever made mistake in your past, trying hard to forget it and forgive your own self. You may wonder many IF in your life. But as Rick Warren said, we are product of our past but we dont have to be prisoners of it. Dont be sad or regret if suddenly you remember about your past life. Just come to Him and give all your worries, doubts to Him. I believe once upon a time in our life that God may remind us again from our past. Not because we have not move on, but to remind us once we are sinners and through God alone we become a new creations.

He is your strong tower to which you can always go. He will calm your raging sea, and in our weakness He is merciful. He is redeemer of my past and present wrongs. He is holder of my future days to come. He wears my guilt on His shoulders and holds my heart in His hands. He takes my thoughts and fears and hangs them on the arms of Calvary. Yes God, Jesus it is YOU! Nothing in this world can satisfy, Jesus You are the cup that won't run dry!!

“Never be afraid when God brings back your past. Let your memory have its way with you. It is a minister of God bringing its rebuke and sorrow to you. God will turn what might have been into a wonderful lesson of growth for the future.”

Oswald Chambers - My Utmost For His Highest

Don't Judge A Man By His Wealth

Scene 1 - Thursday, 2 August 2012

Jam 9.15am dan gw ada di dalam lift untuk naik ke kantor gw. Dan ada seorang bapak paruh baya, si empunya office building ini. Terus dia masih ditengah loby gitu deh, tapi si satpam tetep teken tombol lift, biar posisi pintu lift tetep kebuka dan nungguin si bapak ini masuk. Maksudnya sih baik, biar si bapak ini sekalian masuk dan gak perlu nunggu lift berikutnya. Dan respon dari si bapak ini adalah: “Udah-udah biarin naik aja dulu liftnya, dodol ya kamu.” Well, mungkin si bapak ini gak enak kalau ditungguin kali yah, tapi gw tetep aja shock masa ngatain orang di depan umum? Walaupun nota benenya dya seorang satpam yang bekerja untuk dia.

Scene 2 - Saturday, 4 August 2012

Gw lagi dinner bareng temen gw di salah satu restaurant deket rumah gw. Only two of us, having simple dinner while waiting for our other friend. So we laughed, chit chat and eat A LOT! Haha. Sebelah meja gw itu seorang bokap dan anak cewenya. Bokapnya nontonin TV yang ada di restaurant dan anaknya mainin sedotan ajah. Terus ditengah-tengah gw lagi cekikikan ma temen gw, well girls are girls aren’t we? :P Gw denger nih anak cewe ngomong gini, “aku tau password ipadnya pasti papa suka marah-marah.” Bokapnya gak ngegubris sama sekali, dan dari convo mereka gw mendapatkan kesan bahwa si papa sering ngoceh dan marah.

Scene 3 - Monday, 6 August 2012

Gw lagi nyetir otw balik ke rumah dari kantor, uda sore gitu dan jalanan lumayan padat. Di depan gw ada motor dan yang buat gw tertarik itu orang yang duduk diboncengan ini bongsor bow sampe yang nyetirin naek motornya ajah gak keliatan. Biasanya kan orang naik motor tuh 2-2nya keliatan kan, yang mengemudi sama penumpangnya. Tapi yang ini gak keliatan, terus saya sudah mulai menebak sepertinya si bule deh. Eh pas mobil gw lewatin mereka, gw liat beneran ternyata bule. Dan mereka lagi tarik tiga, jadi si bule melukin anaknya yang lagi tidur gitu dan si tukang ojeknya. Nih bule melukin anaknya protective banget deh, dan si anak tidur peacefully walaupun diatas motor.

***

Dari ketiga scene diatas, apa yang bisa kalian pelajari? Kalo saya, saya sungguh-sungguh belajar not to judge a man by his wealth, but his personality. Apalagi buat cari suami ntarannya. Emang no doubt banget, kita sebagai cewe butuh rasa aman dalam hal financial. Tapi dari kejadian sehari-hari yang gw pelajarin ini adalah look for something in a man that money can't buy. Again I say look for something  that money can’t buy. His integrity, character, and his heart for God.

Sekian aja deh postingan ini. Mau post dari bulan Agustus pas lagi kejadian, tapi ga sempet terus >,< Mood nulis lagi super ilang ahaha.

My Dear One

Photo by Jose Villa 
Quotes by Unknown Author
Edited by me :)

My Burfdae Wish

Dear G,

I am truly grateful for another year that You have entrusted to me. When I look back for the past 21years, You never let me down through it all. I am captivated by Your love and Your love will always get me home. I don't know where would I be right now without Your love, I have days of mercy and moments of grace. And I thank you dear G for every breath that I take. You have sent so many angels into my lyfe, thank you for surround me with people who loves me tenderly.

One thing I only ask, that I may dwell in the presence of the Lord all the days of my lyfe. To know the depth of Your heart and swim on it. Take me higher, draw me deeper and makes me grow stronger in Your love. Remind me that I am simply breathless without You near by. A woman that close to the Lord and bear Your heart and Your passion. I want to rise up to be a woman You have designed me to be, and when  people look at me they will point toward You directly. Teach me to be a woman who doesn't scrape and claw to be noticed and appreciated, but the one who is fully content and secure in my relationship with my King.

I want to enter the year ahead embracing the promises that You have in store for me. May I see the things that my eyes have not seen, hear the things that my ears have not heard, and experience the things beyong my wildest imagination. I want to live the year ahead to bless and touch many many many life's as You have blessed me so much! To be a great, bold, exemplary, wise and loving woman, daughter, wife to be (if You called me to be one), leader and other roles in my lyfe.

Give me the ear that always ready to listen to Your words first rather than my own needs. Ears that always ready to listen to other peoples problem even tough sometimes its not easy to stay quiet and be still. And please open the eyes of my heart Lord, open up my eyes to the things unseen. Help me to be able to always see Your ways. Eyes that always look the good on other people and not to judge them. And let my lips always declare that You are the God of the universe, always be able to worship and praise You even tough I might face a difficult situation. Let words that come up from my mouth always lift up someone else's days, built them up and not tear them down. And feet that always willing to go extra-mile when it comes for serving my Lord and King. Feet that always go everywhere You want me to go even to the ends of the earth. Last but not least, please give sincere humble and right heart that always break apart for what break Yours. And gain me Your wisdom to live in this world.

Dear God, thank you for loving me, and giving me Your all. As I grow up, I will still serving You. I want to know You more, I want to love You more. I will never forget You, Lord. You are a great big God. I'm young and do not know a lot! Come and be my all. I will grow up knowing You.. :)

Amen,
lil-nie

How Great Is Our God

Kemaren itu gw pergi sama temen gw untuk nonton movie. Nah pas nunggu movienya mulai, dia show gw video ini. Video dari Louie Giglio. Pas liat namanya kok familiar banget yah kaya pernah tau tapi gak inget. Dan abis nonton video ini bikin gw merinding to the max bow! Haha. Penasaran kah? Please watch the video below :)
 

Begitu liat video ini gw langsung inget bokk, ternyata Louie Giglio ini yang kotbah tentang laminin juga. Wonder apa itu laminin? Ayo nonton ini juga :)
 

After watch this two video, all I can say is.. Lord I am amazed by YOU! I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. And I will worship you as long as I life, for You alone worthy of all praise!!

Psalm 148
1 Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise Him in the heights above.
2 Praise Him, all His angels; praise Him, all His heavenly hosts.
3 Praise Him, sun and moon; praise Him, all you shining stars.
4 Praise Him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies.
5 Let them praise the name of the Lord, for at His command they were created,
6 and He established them for ever and ever— He issued a decree that will never pass away.
7 Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths,
8 lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding,
9 you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars,
10 wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds,
11 kings of the earth and all nations, you princes and all rulers on earth,
12 young men and women, old men and children.
13 Let them praise the name of the Lord, for His name alone is exalted; His splendor is above the earth and the heavens.
14 And He has raised up for His people a horn, the praise of all His faithful servants, of Israel, the people close to His heart. Praise the Lord.

Hikmat Dari Macetnya Jakarta

Tidak terasa hampir setahun setelah gw for good dari Singapore ke ibukota (tak) tercinta ini. Well, to be honest gw ga mau muna. Sometimes I'm proud to be indonesian, sometimes I'm not. Jakarta terkenal dengan negara termacetttt, banyak korupsi, gak tertib, peraturan dibuat untuk dilanggar dan selagi kamu punya uang, you can buy almost everything.. termasuk keadilan dan rasa aman di Indonesia itu mahal banget bow.

Dari selama gw di Jakarta ini, yang paling gw stress'in adalah macetnya dan tidak tertibnya orang Jakarta.  Gw di sini kan nyetir sendiri, jadi gw ngerasain tuh kebelet pipis banget tapi stuck macet, dan waktu yang kebuang sia-sia. Juga udah macet, masih ada aja yang nyelip-nyelip nyerobot dan bikin makin macet dll. Kayanya gw gak perlu jelasin lagi deh ya gimana stresssssssnya macet di Jakarta, I wont make a post simply just for complain and grumble. But here, I want to thank God because He is an awesome God. Sometimes He use circumstances to teach us a lesson.

Kadang pas gw super emosi sama macet, Tuhan kaya bilang "udah daripada bete sendiri mendingan doain untuk perubahan." Busettt kaya nancepp banget bokk. Dan karena gw ngalamin sendiri, gw jadi lebih sungguh-sungguh doain jakarta. Bener-bener menangis untuk kota ini, negara ini. Dimana ngeliat anak jalanan, tukang minta-minta, orang gila dsb ada.. bikin miris hati banget huhu. Dan selain berdoa juga harus disertai dengan action haha. Kaya kemaren ini pemilihan pilkada, gw bener-bener nafsu banget untuk gunain suara gw, lanjutin broadcast campaign dll karena gw pengen banget melihat perubahan Jakarta!!

So pemutaran kedua kali ini akan diadakan pada 20 September 2012. I really encourage you to vote! Jangan lah jadi golongan putih, belajar jadi warga yang bertanggung jawab. Hasil pilkada kemaren itu yang golput gede banget loh sekitar 40persenan. Lets's we give our voice, choose wisely because your voice is count! Emang kita harus doain kota Jakarta ini, but despite all the prayers needed we need to be practical as well :)

And if you wonder whom I will choose is.. watch the video bellow :D Ini contoh dari rakyat Jakarta yang practical dan aplicable loh haha, they exactly know whom they will support and they made campaign for it. It took lots of effort and thanks for their willingness so we can enjoy the video. How do I know about this video? Look carefully and you may spot someone on that video. Not me. Clue: blogger too, and her blog lots of book excerpt :P