Never Ceasing To Pray

Do you ever feel so let down and seems you can't take heart anymore? When there's no word could express your feeling and when a tight hug couldn't calm your emotion. Do you ever feel like that? Well, that's what I'm feeling currently.

There's a quote saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" or "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." Alrite, that's true somehow. But, how if I'm tired of being strong? I'm not just tired, I'm exhausted. Exhausted to pretend to be strong.

I know I know, that God will never give anything beyond my control. For the bible tells me so. But there's a slightly difference between I know and I believe. I used to believe that 1Cor10:13 is true, but now I kinda doubt it >.< I guess, I'm in crucial condition...

In her email, Ci Erlyn said: Never ceasing to pray!!! When you worry, you pray! When you are sad, you pray! When you are disappointed, you pray! When you are angry, you pray!

Source from here.

And one thing I learn from this situation, I learn the fact that when I don't feel like praying, that's actually the best time to pray. I'm so tremendously weak and I really need God, for I believe those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. That's why I need to pray, and I can't tell you how many times I have been forced to my knees, realizing there was no other place to go. I seek God to find an answer for my trouble heart, and far from it He makes me realize that He is the answer that I need. 

Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and He calms you. -Nicky Gumbel. 

Songs by Avalon, everything to me hummed in my car. And I sobbed when I heard every lyrics of it. And I cried even more when I sang along this song with the last lyrics, You are everything. Lord you are everything to me, Jesus. It's like God asking me, "how far you trust Me? Do you really trust Me? Am I really everything for you? Do you believe that I'm the God of universe?" 

It's like a harsh slap on my face! I certainly forget that God is always in perfect control. Sometimes when the bad situation happens, it makes me forget that the Lord is always good. All the time. The Lord is good all the time. In every situation. The God of the good times is still God in the bad times, and the God of the day, is still God in the night. Trust Him!

And all of my life, the good things that He ever done in my life makes me fully realize that I can stand up to now its only because of prayer. Its because the quality time that I spent to pray. Every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands, and every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in my prayer. And of course because of the prayer support from my loved ones. Its not about me, but who is behind me. I really experience the power of prayer and prayer change things.

I do struggle, I do afraid and worried, yet all I have seen teaches me to trust The Creator for all I have not seen. Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness. 

Faith and fear ask the same thing, to believe for something that hasn't happened yet. - Joel Osteen.

Well choose wisely then, faith or fear. And when I open my old diary, I found what is written on 28 May 2012.. 

"There's no success, no happiness, and no fulfillment in life apart from a consistent, daily growing relationship with Jesus through the word." 

What a great reminder! The key to have success, happiness and fulfillment in life located in consistent prayer time and reading the word of God. 

From the tiny birds of the air and the fragile lilies of the field we learn the same truth. God takes care of His own. He is moved by our weaknesses and He stands ready to come to our rescue. - Charles Swindoll.

Valentine Day 2012 & 2013

Happy valentine day everyone :) Semoga setiap hari terasa seperti hari valentine yah, penuh cinta :D Frankly to say, buat gw valentine day is not really a big eve that I should celebrate. Like christmas, easter, or new year eve. For me its just simply a normal day especially as I grow older. Back then when I was at junior high school I loveeee to give away chocolate, made by my self :P But now, I'm just so lazy to do it. 

Yet, I do celebrate valentine. With my closest one of course, the-five-of-us whom I can proudly say "angels from Heaven above." We have been friends since junior high school, even one of them is my childhood friend. I am really blessed with this 8-year-friendship-and-still-counting-on. During high school, we do exchange chocolate, cute ones :) I still remember how many hours that I spent to made a chocolate with their name written on it. SIGH!! 

Day by day passed away, we grow older and we don't grow apart :) And during my study in Singapore, we can't celebrate valentine together anymore. And I miss it, I miss collecting chocolate and eat them :D Last year since I for-good to Jakarta, I have an idea to celebrate valentine day with them by not only having a dinner, but also exchange personal card :) And every words that written on it just so touching and funny :P

Here's the card that I received during 2012 :)

Untuk gw, gw dapet sailormoon. Dan temen-temen yang lain karakter dari sailor juga, disesuaikan dengan pribadi kita, so kreatif isn't it?

And she mentioned there, "I wish my brother in law are the best son of Christ..." In other word, my future spouse will be her bro in law. Eventho we don't have blood connection, and what she wrote in the card remind me of this verse, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother - Prov18:24.

Jane is the sweetest gal among all of us. She's the one that soft-hearted, kind-loving type of girl. While all of us have loud voice and do nothing less than what a truly lady should do (read: wildcat).

Here's my childhood friend :D Kita temenan dari masa-masa cemongan bedak haha. Disini dia tulis, gw traktir vegan all you can eat! HUAHAHA, ngakak langsung pas baca. Soalnya ini kaya warung warteg deket rumah yang gw sukaaaa banget :P Emang dasar dia pelit, jadi cuma mau ditraktir itu aja =.= Coz she said, sebanyak-banyaknya gw makan vegan, paling cuma mampu sampe berapa banyak sih. Dan pasti less than 50k. Toenk2.

Yang ini dari Rere, dia ngajar sekolah minggu di gerejanya jadinya she's super creative and lots of interesting idea. Yet, she's our drama queen and Miss-never-be-on-time :P

Unfortunately due to this and that, I can't join valentine celebration with them :( And surprisingly they come over to my house after the dinner and we have a little time to chit chat, exchange the card as well. Really touched! Could you please kindly tell me how blessed I am? And here's what I've received this year..

Di kartu ini si Sara super pede euy, dikira eke mo nitipin anak gw ke dia haha. She will be my last port :P In our silly conversation, we all agreed to never let her take care of our kids due to we scared that she might "broke the ear of our kids." (long history why we could think of broke-the-ear).

This is the cutest one!! Kitkat with my picture on it, well chubby one >.< And what is written in the card is so funny and am amazed with how well she know me ;) I can't stop laughing while I read the two last sentence.

Again, could you please kindly remind me how blessed I am? To have not just faithful friends, but sister-in-Christ that keep make me feel loved and treasured. I'm quite upset that I can't make it to join the dinner, and I can't take picture and read all the other cards that their received. Due when they come over to my house its already super late and we need to send back our other friend that stay quite far from our complex so we just do a simple chit chat inside the car. Huhu. But there's always blessing in disguise :)

Here's my personal card for them ;) Well, happy valentine day all. Spread the love!

Ps: to all my girls, thank you for the joys and I hope we can still do this every year.. eventho we have lots of kids in the future :P

Look At The Colors Before Reading

Taken from here.

My Bucket List

Thank God It's Friday :P I have nothing to do in office now, because only few people come to office today due to preparation for Chinese new year eve. And am thinking to do my bucket list. Get inspired from a friend of mine, here.

Taken from here.

So here's my bucket list, I have list down some of the naive and craziest things I have in mind that I want to accomplish in this journey of life. Some of them really stupid, because it comes from my wildest imagination. I just think its fun to write them down, and maybe 10years later when I review back, I will laugh so hardly and can proudly say "aha I have done this!"

1. Throw an eggs into the car that overtaking my way.
2. Own a samoyed and husky with green eyes on the right, and blue eyes on the left.
3. Christmas dinner eve with hubby and closest friends at my house, with all the handmade cooking and decoration all by myself.
4. Experience a sunset and a sunrise at Sawarna.
5. Passionate kiss in the rain on my honeymoon.
6. Have quiet time before the Lord in a boat in the middle of sea under the blinking stars. Adoring how great is my God!
7. Go to Holy land and visit those places on the Bible.
8. Sharing how God changes my life in front of 10.000 people.
9. Attend Christmas service at church and holding hands with my hubby during the worship time.
10. Become an author on something that means alot to me.
11. Oh how I wish to have twins!
12. Achieve financial abundance with my passion.
13. Be the boss.
14. Become a guest speaker on woman's conference.
15. Fall picnic.
16. Stay in pretty caravan for a week.
17. Build a gingerbread house.
18. Fly in a hot-air balloon across a country.
19. Bring my family to Eiffel tower.
20. Go on disney cruise, disney dream.
21. Visit all disneyland over the world.
22. Buy starbuck's doll every time my husband & I visit a country, and have collection of it :)
23. Dancing in the rain with my 5-year-old little boy.
24. Swim with bikini in Maldives.
25. Lunch with Eric and Leslie Ludy.
26. Dinner with Joshua and Shannon Harris. 
27. Hug my lifetime partner so tightly during new year's eve at Santorini.
28. Tell my parents how lucky I am to be raised in this family.
29. Have a car with plat no B990ANI.
30. Received handmade gift from special friends.
31. Have a lemonade stand on night market.
32. Have breakfast in bed served by my husband.
33. Camp out in my own backyard, count the stars at night and fall asleep.
34. Have a movie marathon by myself. 
35. Become vegetarian for at least a month.
36. Stay for a month with Mennonite.
37. Knit something cozy.
38. Be in a room lit up with thousand candles.
39. Sky lantern festival, Taiwan.
40. In New York city during Halloween period, and play the trick or treat.
41. Wear princess costume together with my childhood friends (five of us) and take picture. 
42. Expert to braid my own hair.
43. Own a chanel bag. 
44. Watch SAW movie.
45. Enjoying me-time for the whole day. Saloon-spa-shopping-reading-eat at fancy restaurant.
46. Have a date night.
47. Go bungee jumping.
48. Brave enough to curl my hair permanently.
49. Smoothing my hair and dye my hair brown color, highlight with green color. 
50. Visit all museum in Jakarta.
51. Fast indomie for 3month!!
52. Be the cover of magazine.
53. Guest speaker in radio.
54. Sell all my novels, except lima sekawan by Enid blyton.
55. Have all the complete collection of lima sekawan (old edition).
56. Library at my house.
57. Sleep at sofa with the most handsome guy in the world (read: my husband) while watching polar express. 
58. Spend a week at Louvre.
59. Pet hair coloring - turning my baby enzo into colorful fluffy dog. 
60. Take picture with boo, cutest dog in the world.
61. Have all books by Elizabeth George.
62. Read the whole bible with different translation NLT, NIV, KJV, NKJV.
63. Make caramel apples for my mom.
64. Make my own cook book.
65. Take a nap in the library.
66. Happily married and fall deeply in love each and every day in my life.
67. Lifelong friendship.
68. Swim in a lake. 
69. Have blog with million readers.
70. Attend my sunday school student's wedding.
71. Own a boutique. 
72. Be on 44kg ALWAYS.
73. Kiss underwater.
74. Slow dance with my lifetime partner with as beautiful as you as the background song.
75. Read a book in large bathtub full of soap foam. 
76. Mini library in my toilet.
77. Walk around Vail village. 
78. Go to the gym for a year. 
79. Play guitar, have guitar, decorate my guitar.
80. Take dance lessons. Go salsa dancing and be awesome.
81. Send a message in a bottle. 
82. Swim with dolphins.
83. Visit the circus.
84. Fly first class. 
85. Decorate the christmas tree as a family. 
86. Make a super spicy homemade chili and sell it to neighbor, at least 10cans. 
87. Horse back riding.
88. Plant a rose and watch them grow.
89. Invent an ice cream flavor.
90. Catch a cockroach by myself!! =.= 
91. Illustrate a children book. 
92. Master the art of calligraphy and use it often. 
93. Dance with my little boy at my parent's gold wedding anniversary.
94. Dance at my gold wedding anniversary.
95. Snowball fights.
96. Watch my kid(s) graduate high school, college, grad school. Never miss a thing.
97. Experience the joy of being a mom.
98. Home made sponge cake for my daddy.
99. Watch Nutcracker.
100. Never stop dreaming!

Never Ready Faith

Come across this blog post when I did a blog-walking. I love what is written there. It remind me of the-old-me a couple years ago when my leader choose me to be the next leader to lead cell group. You may read her struggle here. And here I copy the excerpt of sermon by Stefen Furtick. Enjoy!!

I have never been ready, Never – Ready Faith
by Steven Furtick 
A lot of people weren’t ready in the Bible – Abraham wasn’t ready when God called him, Moses wasn’t ready, the disciples were never ready and they never got it. Even when they got it they still didn’t get it. Each time they were ready they started to doubt because their faith was in their readiness.

Jeremiah 1:4-10 Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:
5“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” 6Then said I: “Ah, Lord God!Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.” 7But the Lord said to me: “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. 8Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord. 9Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: “Behold, I have put My words in your mouth. 10See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out and to pull down, to destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant.”

• God always look at the hearts, never the appearance.
• There’s the time where God shapes you and calls you for something and then there’s the time where you become aware of it and responsive to it.
• “I am not ready” is just an excuses because you will never been ready.
• He’s got options and you just have to show up! Present yourself to God.. Here I am.

Mark 8:13-21 And He left them, and getting into the boat again, departed to the other side. 14Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, and they did not have more than one loaf with them in the boat. 15Then He charged them, saying, “Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.”16And they reasoned among themselves, saying, “It is because we have no bread.”17But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, “Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? 18Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember? 19When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments did you take up?” They said to Him, “Twelve.” 20“Also, when I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of fragments did you take up?” And they said, “Seven.” 21So He said to them, “How is it you do not understand?”

• The disciples had just seen Jesus multiply the five loaves and 2 fishes, but yet they forgot. You’re never ready, it’s not about your preparation. God is with you.
• There is no need for God to tell us the details, but He cares about every detail.
• God doesn’t need me to be ready – I will never be. He just wants me to obey and follow Him (ask for His supernatural wisdom).
• Insecurities happen because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

1. Cancel the audition! God CHOSE you!

Compared how some people may feel with those auditioning for the TV show “The Voice.” “Cancel the audition, you’ve already got the part. A lot of people spend their whole lives waiting on somebody to hit a button, turn around, and choose them,” he said. “A lot of believers spend their whole walk with God performing, trying out, feeling bad, waiting on God to hit a button and turn around and say now He loves you. God said before you were born ‘I chose you.’” Isn’t that enough?

• He chose you before you were born.
• You don’t need to impress God. You don’t need to try out, you just have to live out what God has already placed in you.
• God gave you the part not because of anything you did; God chose you precisely because you’re awkward a.k.a uniquely awkward.
• God’s got options, but He chose YOU.
• Equip your spirit with the word of God.
• “My Father says I am”
• Live by what God says about you, about what you can do. His is the only opinion that matters.
• When God is speaking, one word is more than enough. Have enough faith in your Father to go with one word.

2. Get ready on the way !

• God doesn't call you to “feel ready” or trying to be as ready as possible, He calls you to have faith and follow Him.
• Trust that God will drive and get ready on the way. Just like husband and wife, sometimes the women will just never been ready until the car engine starts. As His bride, you just have to hop on to the car and get ready on the way. God will drive and you get ready on the way!
• Blessings is God’s department, obedience is yours.
• If you can hear God’s voice, you can stand in the face of your fear 

3. Stay behind the guide!

• Psalm 23 - To have the Lord as my shepherd, I’ve to acknowledge that I’m a sheep
• Psalm 48:14 - For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. He does not want to give you guidance, He wants to be your Guide forever!
• "I'm never going to audition for Your love again. I'm never going to audition for Your calling again. I receive Your love. I receive Your calling." 

  

“I’ve never been ready. I wasn’t ready when we started the church. I didn’t feel ready when the church started to grow, thousands of people were coming to Christ, but the church got bigger than the town I grew up in. I wasn’t ready for that.” said Steven Furtick